In The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz reminds us to always do our best. This simple yet profound principle has woven itself into the tapestry of my life, especially regarding technology, relationships, and creativity.
Doing My Best with Technology
Some days, technology challenges can feel like a relentless maze of frustration. Whether it’s trying to figure out new software, troubleshooting website glitches, or handling technical failures, I’ve learned that my best on any given day can vary. There are moments when everything clicks, and I’m in flow, effortlessly solving problems. On other days, it’s a test of patience. What helps me is the commitment not to give up. Even if I don’t have all the answers right away, I remind myself that doing my best means continuing to try, learning along the way, and knowing that persistence is its own form of success.
Doing My Best with People
The art of human connection is another place where I strive to apply the principle of doing my best. Whether in my coaching practice, with family, or with friends, my goal is always to meet people where they are, without judgment. Some days, it’s easier to stay grounded in acceptance, to be a compassionate listener, and to uplift others. But like all of us, I have days when it’s harder. I’ve learned that doing my best isn’t about perfection; it’s about showing up authentically, with kindness, and making others feel good whenever I can. The beauty of this agreement is that it allows room for our humanity—for those moments where we may fall short, knowing that we’ve still done our best in that moment.
Doing My Best with Creativity
My creativity ebbs and flows like the tide; some days, the ideas pour out effortlessly, while others feel blocked or stagnant. I’ve come to understand that when I trust in the process and do my best, even when inspiration feels scarce, I am rewarded. My best isn’t measured by external validation or the final product. It’s the satisfaction of knowing I’ve taken action, made space for creativity, and allowed myself to express what’s within. I do my best simply because I love what I do—no rewards are necessary when the process fills me with gratitude.
Doing Your Best is a Habit
Doing your best is not just a goal—it’s a habit and a great one to have. I strive to do my best in everything I do and feel. The first three agreements—Be impeccable with your word, Don’t take anything personally, and Don’t make assumptions—will only work if you do your best. Don’t expect that you will always be impeccable with your word;just do your best. Don’t expect that youwon’tever takeanything personally. Just do your best. Don’t expect that you’ll never make assumptions. Just do your best. The magic happens when you keep showing up and giving your best effort, no matter the circumstances. Over time, you’ll find that these habits weaken and become less frequent.
Taking Action is Enough
Ruiz beautifully reminds us that when we always do our best, we avoid self-judgment and regret. For me, this Agreement isn’t about striving for perfection but about embracing the action itself. Whether I’m tackling technology, interacting with people, or creating something new, as long as I know I’ve given my best effort, I can rest easy. The reward is in the doing, in the commitment to show up fully, no matter what the outcome. And that’s where I find my gratitude—knowing that each day, in every situation, I’m doing the best I can with what I have.
If you want to learn more about the path to freedom and transformation with The Four Agreements, schedule your complimentary Discovery call now.
One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned on my journey toward personal growth and healing is from Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements. The third agreement, “Don’t make assumptions,” might seem simple on the surface, but when you dig into its implications, it has the potential to profoundly change how you approach life and relationships.
For many years, I was trapped in the habit of making assumptions. I would leap to conclusions without all the necessary facts, and those assumptions would often lead me to feel hurt, frustrated, or angry. Looking back, I can see how this behavior created unnecessary conflict in my life. It always seemed to stem from an underlying belief that I had to protect myself from rejection or disappointment.
One moment stands out in particular. I had a date lined up with someone I was really looking forward to seeing. I spent the entire afternoon getting ready. I picked out the perfect outfit, carefully did my hair and makeup, and genuinely felt excited about the evening. But my phone rang just ten minutes before I was about to leave. It was him—canceling. There was no explanation, no suggestion of rescheduling, only, “I can’t make it tonight.”
My mind immediately went into overdrive. I assumed the worst. He must have found someone else, I thought. I’m clearly not important enough, I concluded. I took it personally and spiraled into feelings of unworthiness and rejection. This simple cancellation felt like confirmation of every insecurity I’d ever had.
But here’s the thing: I didn’t know the full story. It turned out that his father had passed away unexpectedly that day. I was so consumed with my own assumptions that I hadn’t even considered that something so serious might have happened. When I learned the truth, I felt terrible—not just for my friend, but for how quickly I had jumped to a conclusion and made it all about me.
That experience was a pivotal moment for me. It opened my eyes to how destructive assumptions can be, not only in our relationships but also in how we view ourselves. It taught me that assumptions are often based on fear—fear of rejection, fear of inadequacy, fear of the unknown.
About five years later, I found myself in a similar situation. Once again, I had plans that were canceled at the last minute. But this time, I didn’t assume the worst or make it about me. I simply thought, “Okay, this opens up an opportunity to do something different with my evening.” I felt calm, at peace, and even curious about what other possibilities the night might hold. It was a huge shift from the way I used to react.
Here’s what I’ve learned about not making assumptions:
Clarity is key. When you feel uncertain, instead of jumping to conclusions, seek clarity. Ask questions. Don’t let your mind fill in the gaps with worst-case scenarios. Often, all it takes is a simple conversation to understand what’s really going on.
Most of the time, it’s not about you. This was a hard lesson for me to learn. I used to take everything personally. But the truth is, other people’s actions often reflect what’s happening in their own lives—not a reflection of your worth or importance. When you stop taking things personally, you free yourself from so much unnecessary emotional turmoil.
Embrace the unknown. Not knowing something doesn’t have to be scary. Sometimes, when things don’t go as planned, it opens up new opportunities you hadn’t considered. Instead of making assumptions, try to see the unknown as an exciting space for possibilities.
Assumptions are limiting beliefs. When we assume, we close ourselves off from potential truths and experiences. Breaking the habit of assuming means opening ourselves to more understanding, better communication, and healthier relationships.
The bottom line? Don’t let your mind trick you into believing things that aren’t true. Assumptions can be dangerous because they feel real, but they’re often just stories we create in our heads. So, the next time you find yourself making an assumption, pause. Ask for clarity if you need it. And remember, the truth is always better than the stories we tell ourselves.
If you are making assumptions and want to change but don’t know where to start, schedule your complimentary Discovery call today.Here’s a short TikTok video on the Third Agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions.
Don’t Take Anything Personally – A Path to True Freedom
Before I got sober, I took everything personally. If someone looked at me the wrong way, I’d cry. I had no self-esteem, and even the slightest negative comment—whether it was meant to help or not—would completely shatter me. I was hypersensitive and constantly felt like the world was against me. My worth was so tied up in what others thought of me that I felt like I was walking through life on a fragile glass floor, waiting for it to crack beneath me.
This way of living was exhausting. I lived with the constant fear of judgment, rejection, and criticism, always searching for validation from others to feel okay about myself. But the truth was, no amount of external approval could fix the deep void within me. I needed something more substantial. Something that wasn’t dependent on the shifting opinions of others.
That’s when The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz came into my life, and one of its core teachings—Don’t Take Anything Personally—started to shift my entire perspective.
Understanding the Power of “Don’t Take Anything Personally”
The second agreement in The Four Agreements is a simple yet profound idea: nothing others do is because of you. Instead, it’s a reflection of their reality. People’s actions and words are shaped by their experiences, beliefs, and emotions. What they project onto you is about them, not you.
It was a revelation for someone like me—who used to live for other people’s approval. Whenever I took someone’s words or actions personally, I gave them control over my emotions and my sense of self-worth. I was letting other people define me. But what Ruiz taught me was that I could take my power back. I didn’t have to let others dictate how I felt about myself.
The Shift: Reclaiming My Power
The idea that what others say and do has nothing to do with me was liberating. I began to see how often I had been giving away my power by allowing the words of others to affect me so profoundly. Whether it was a harsh comment from a stranger, criticism from a loved one, or an offhand remark, I allowed it to dictate my mood, self-esteem, and, ultimately, happiness.
But here’s the truth: when you stop taking things personally, you regain control of your emotions. You stop living in constant reaction mode and start responding from a place of inner strength. You begin to realize that you define yourself, not anyone else. That is true freedom.
What AA Taught Me: What Others Think Is None of My Business
I learned another powerful lesson in AA that helped solidify this understanding: What someone thinks about me is none of my business. It was such a simple phrase, but it resonated deeply with me. I was obsessed with what other people thought of me for so long. I felt like I needed their approval to feel okay about myself, and if I didn’t get it, I was crushed.
But this lesson taught me that I am not responsible for other people’s opinions. Their thoughts are shaped by their experiences, biases, and emotional state. I have no control over them, and more importantly, they have no control over me—unless I let them.
This realization was like a breath of fresh air. It allowed me to let go of the constant worry about how I was being perceived. I stopped living my life for others and started living it for myself.
My Spiritual Awakening: The Masks Came Off
After years of hiding behind the masks I’d worn for so long—masks of trying to be perfect, to please others, and to be someone I wasn’t—I experienced a profound spiritual awakening. When the masks came off, I stopped caring what anyone thought of me. It wasn’t that I didn’t value the opinions of those I loved, but I no longer needed their approval to feel okay.
I finally understood that I didn’t have to be perfect, and I didn’t have to seek validation outside of myself. I knew who I was; more importantly, God knew the truth. And that was all that mattered.
The sense of peace and freedom I felt was indescribable. For the first time, I wasn’t living for anyone else’s approval. I wasn’t trying to be something I wasn’t. I was being myself—unapologetically.
How You Can Apply This to Your Own Life
If you struggle with taking things personally—if you feel like others’ words and opinions weigh you down, keep you small, or dictate your sense of self-worth—I encourage you to reflect on this second agreement from The Four Agreements. Consider the following questions:
How often do you take things personally?
How do you allow others’ opinions to dictate your emotions and actions?
What would it feel like to release yourself from needing external approval?
When you stop taking things personally, you begin to experience a level of freedom and peace that is difficult to describe. You realize you don’t have to carry the weight of others’ judgments or expectations. You can be, knowing that your worth comes from within.
You are not responsible for anyone else’s opinions or feelings. You are only responsible for your inner peace. And that is more than enough.
Learning to stop taking things personally was one of the most critical shifts in my life. It allowed me to break free from the chains of other people’s opinions and find a sense of inner strength and peace that I never thought was possible. I no longer live in constant fear of what others might think. I know who I am, and I know my truth. And that’s all that matters.
Schedule your complimentary Discovery call today if you’re ready to reclaim your power and stop living for others. You might be surprised at how much lighter and freer you feel when you stop taking things personally.
“Be impeccable with your word.” This is the first of the four agreements laid out by Don Miguel Ruiz in his transformative book, The Four Agreements. It’s a principle that seems simple on the surface but holds profound significance in how we live our lives.
Ruiz teaches that our words are not just sounds or symbols; they are powerful tools we use to create our reality. When we speak, we send out energy that can either build up or break down. The word “impeccable” comes from the Latin word peccatus, which means “sin.” To be impeccable with your word means to be without sin, to speak with integrity, and to use your words in the direction of truth and love.
Why Being Impeccable with Your Word Matters
Words Create Reality:
According to Ruiz, our words have the power to manifest reality. When we speak, we cast spells with our words, whether we realize it or not. We cast a negative spell if we constantly criticize ourselves or others. Conversely, when we speak words of love, kindness, and encouragement, we bring those positive energies into our world.
Avoid Gossip:
Gossip is a form of misuse of the word. It spreads negativity and can harm others, even if unintentionally. I’ve learned through my own experiences that gossip not only hurts those we speak about but also poisons our own hearts. By avoiding gossip, we purify our words and our intentions.
Speak with Integrity:
Being impeccable with your word means aligning your words with your values. It means speaking truthfully and purposefully, avoiding words that harm or mislead. This creates trust and respect in our relationships and within ourselves.
Words Have the Power to Heal or Harm:
I’ve been on both sides of this truth. In the past, I used words carelessly, often harming others without realizing the impact. But today, I choose to use my words to heal, uplift, and inspire. It’s a daily practice, and while I’m not perfect, I strive to improve daily.
Tips for Being Impeccable with Your Word
Pause Before Speaking: Take a moment to consider the impact of your words before you speak. Ask yourself if what you’re about to say is true, necessary, and kind. It would be best to go three for three or not say it at all.
Choose Words that Uplift: Make a conscious effort to use words that build others up rather than tear them down. Compliment, encourage, and express gratitude often.
Avoid Gossip: Avoid conversations that involve speaking negatively about others. Instead, redirect the conversation to something positive or walk away if necessary.
Be Honest and Clear: When you speak, be truthful and clear. This helps prevent misunderstandings and builds trust in your relationships.
Practice Self-Compassion: Being impeccable with your word isn’t just about how you speak to others—it’s also about how you speak to yourself. Practice self-compassion and avoid negative self-talk.
The power of words is immense. They can create or destroy, build or break. By being impeccable with our words, we align ourselves with truth and integrity, fostering a more positive and loving environment for ourselves and those around us. Remember, every word you speak is a choice—choose wisely.
Reflective Questions:
How often do you pause to consider the impact of your words before you speak?
How can you practice being more impeccable with your word in your daily life?
How might your relationships change if you focused on using your words to build others up rather than tear them down?
Quote to Ponder:“The human mind is like a fertile ground where seeds are continually being planted. The seeds are opinions, ideas, and concepts. You plant a seed, a thought, and it grows. The word is like a seed, and the human mind is so fertile! The only problem is that too often it is fertile for the seeds of fear.” — Don Miguel Ruiz
Schedule your complimentary Discovery call to learn how to begin living The Four Agreements. It’s simple but not easy. It would be an honor to discuss the best path for you.
In a world brimming with complexity and noise, finding a path to inner peace and personal freedom can seem like an elusive dream. However, Don Miguel Ruiz‘s The Four Agreementsoffers a simple yet profound roadmap for achieving that. , This book, rooted in ancient Toltec wisdom, has become a cornerstone for those seeking to transform their lives through conscious living. Let’s explore the essence of each agreement and how they can lead us toward a more harmonious and authentic life.
1. Be Impeccable with Your Word
The first and arguably most crucial agreement is to be impeccable with your word. It doesn’t just mean speaking truthfully; it’s about using your words to uplift, inspire, and create a positive reality for yourself and others. Words have power—they can build or destroy, heal or hurt. When we speak with integrity and kindness, we align ourselves with our true nature and foster trust in our relationships.
Reflection: How often do we speak without thinking, letting our words carry negativity or judgment? Imagine the transformation if we chose our words carefully, using them to nurture and empower those around us.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
The second agreement invites us to release the burden of taking things personally. People’s actions and words often reflect their own internal world and are not a true judgment of us. By not internalizing others’ opinions or behaviors, we liberate ourselves from unnecessary suffering and maintain our inner peace.
Reflection: Consider when a casual remark or someone’s behavior ruined your day. What if you could detach from it, knowing it wasn’t truly about you? This agreement offers freedom from the emotional rollercoaster of external validation.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Assumptions are the root of misunderstandings, conflicts, and unnecessary drama. The third agreement urges us to communicate clearly and ask questions instead of making assumptions. When we clarify our understanding, we avoid misinterpretations and foster healthier, more transparent relationships.
Reflection: How often do assumptions cloud our perceptions and lead to conflict? Committing to clear communication opens the door to deeper connection and mutual understanding.
4. Always Do Your Best
The final agreement ties everything together: always do your best. This doesn’t mean striving for perfection but rather doing your best with the circumstances, energy, and resources you have at any given moment. By doing your best, you can avoid self-judgment, regret, and guilt, knowing you’ve given your all.
Reflection: Our best will vary from day to day. Some days, our best might be a significant achievement; others, it might be simply getting through. When we embrace this principle, we practice self-compassion and maintain our momentum toward personal growth.
Applying The Four Agreements to Everyday Life
The Four Agreements are not just abstract principles but practical tools for living a more conscious and fulfilling life. Here’s how you can start applying them:
Practice mindfulness: Regularly check in with yourself. Are your words aligned with kindness and truth? Are you taking something personally that you shouldn’t be?
Engage in open communication: Make it a habit to ask questions rather than assume. This simple practice can transform your relationships.
Embrace self-compassion: Remember that doing your best varies from moment to moment. Be gentle with yourself, especially during challenging times.
A Journey Toward Freedom
Incorporating The Four Agreements into your life is a journey—a continuous process of self-awareness and intentional living. As you practice these agreements, you’ll likely notice a shift in your inner world, leading to greater peace, resilience, and joy.
For those embarking on a journey of change, especially in recovery, The Four Agreements is one of the first books I recommend. It teaches you how to unlearn everything you’ve ever learned, allowing you to shed old patterns and embrace a new way of being. Personally, it helped me tremendously when I was first in recovery, providing me with the foundational principles to rebuild my life.
Schedule your complimentary Discovery call today to learn how The Four Agreements can be incorporated into your personalized roadmap, allowing you to step into your confidence with peace of mind.
The Four Agreements provide a grounding framework to return to authenticity and personal freedom in a world where external demands and distractions often pull us away from our true selves. By being impeccable with our word, refusing to take things personally, avoiding assumptions, and always doing our best, we create a life of integrity, peace, and profound fulfillment.
Let these agreements be your compass as you navigate the complexities of life, guiding you toward a path of inner peace, boundless freedom, and confidence.
Finding Motivation in the Midst of Summer: Tips to Beat the Heat and Get Things Done
As we step into the heat of the summer, especially after holiday celebrations, finding the motivation to keep pushing forward can be tough. Whether it’s the overwhelming heat, a packed schedule, or the post-holiday slowdown, we all feel the mid-summer slump at some point. Recently, I had the pleasure of interviewing Caroline Myss, which was incredibly inspiring. Yet, even with such high moments, I find myself needing to reignite my drive during these lazy, hazy days.
Here are some practical tips to help you do just that:
Start Small: In the aftermath of my interview with Caroline Myss, I’ve been reminded that small actions can lead to significant momentum and the biggest shifts in our energy and outlook. Start with something minimal and manageable—like organizing your desk or jotting down a few lines for your next project. Small wins build momentum. I’m breaking down the editing of the recording of our conversation into 10-minute segments.
Change Your Environment: If the summer heat is zapping your energy, try making your workspace more inviting. Adjust the lighting and temperature, and perhaps introduce a fan or an air conditioner. A comfortable environment can significantly enhance your productivity. I shut the shades and brought in the Dyson heating/cooling fan I was gifted to make my office comfortable, as it tends to get very warm on the second floor.
Set a Timer: The Pomodoro Techniqueis perfect for maintaining focus and efficiency. Work in short bursts of 25 minutes, followed by a 5-minute break. This method helps you stay on track without feeling overwhelmed, which has been especially useful as I tackle editing my interview with Caroline.
Visualize Your Success: Close your eyes and imagine completing your tasks.Visualizing the outcomecan be a powerful motivator, filling you with a rush of enthusiasm to make that vision a reality. I did this and succeeded in attaining the interview with Caroline for my podcast. She even endorses my book on it!
Connect with Your ‘Why’: Remind yourself why your work matters. Connecting with the purpose behind your tasks can reignite your passion and propel you forward. My interview with Caroline Myss deepened my understanding of this, as sharing such powerful insights really impacts others. I want to create a community for healing trauma and addiction.
Life often throws us curves that can derail our plans and sap our motivation. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, but it’s important to devise a strategy to move forward. To learn more about finding the motivation inside you that may be sleeping or to connect with your Why, schedule a 60-minute complimentary Discovery calltoday. Together, we’ll wake it up so you can live your best life as the person you were born to be.
