In Episode 14 of From the Shadow to the Light, we enter the perilous terrain of rock bottom—the point where addiction, emotional pain, and the collapse of self converge. As I spiraled into relapse, financial ruin, and complete spiritual bankruptcy, I came face-to-face with the undeniable truth: I could no longer hold it all together. This episode is a raw account of what it means to reach the end of yourself—and how, even there, something deeper begins to stir.

Episode Title: Hitting Rock Bottom
Episode Number: 14

Welcome to Episode 14 of From the Shadow to the Light, where we dive into Chapter 14 of my memoir, Struck by Lightning: My Journey from the Shadow to the Light.

In this episode, I share the harrowing reality of what it looked like to hit rock bottom—when my marriage ended, my sobriety shattered, and my sense of self dissolved into addiction and despair. What began as a slow emotional unraveling turned into full-blown dependence, dangerous relationships, and life-threatening withdrawal. I was three days from foreclosure, unable to function, and spiritually bankrupt. Yet even in that pitch-black space, the stirrings of surrender were quietly forming. Join me as we walk through the pivotal moments that led to my collapse—and how this breaking point became the groundwork for the profound transformation that followed.

Reflective Questions

Theme 1—Denial and Bottling Up Emotions

Theme 2—The Seductive Power of Addiction

1. Reflect on a time when addiction or a harmful habit seduced you into believing it was under control. What were the consequences?
2. How can we become more aware of the deceptive nature of addiction to better protect ourselves and seek help when needed?

Theme 3—The Search for External Validation

1. Reflect on when you sought validation from others to fill an internal void. What were the outcomes, and how did it impact your self-worth?
2. How can we shift our focus from seeking external validation to cultivating self-acceptance and self-love?

Theme 4—The Descent into Dependence

1. Reflect on a time when you realized you were losing control over a harmful habit or addiction. What were the signs, and how did it impact your life?
2. How can acknowledging the depth of our dependence help us seek the support and resources needed for recovery?

Theme 5—Hitting Rock Bottom

1. Reflect on a time when you realized you had hit rock bottom. What were the key moments that led to this realization?
2. How can hitting rock bottom become the foundation for seeking help and starting the journey toward recovery?

Conclusion

As we close Episode 14, “Hitting Rock Bottom,” we’ve explored the emotional collapse that comes with addiction, the quiet lies we tell ourselves, and the pain of being trapped by our own self-destructive patterns. We’ve witnessed how denial, longing for love, and unchecked dependence can lead us straight into the abyss

But rock bottom is not just devastation—it’s also revelation. It’s where the illusion shatters, where we stop pretending, and where the soul begins to whisper that change is possible. Though the pain was unbearable, it cracked something open in me: the need to surrender

As we prepare for our next episode, I Surrender, we’ll explore what it means to let go—truly let go—and allow something greater to begin the healing. Thank you for joining me on today’s podcast of From the Shadow to the Light.

In Episode 13 of From the Shadow to the Light, we enter the shadowy terrain of profound loss and unraveling. As my marriage dissolved and my dreams of motherhood slipped away, I found myself descending into a darkness deeper than I had ever known. This episode traces the painful milestones of infertility, emotional disconnection, and the collapse of identity that followed. It’s a raw, honest reflection on what it means to lose everything you thought defined you—and the silent, sacred beginning of transformation that starts when all else falls away.

Episode Title: My Dark Night of the Soul
Episode Number: 13

Welcome to Episode 13 of From the Shadow to the Light, where we dive into Chapter 13 of my memoir, Struck by Lightning: My Journey from the Shadow to the Light.

In this episode, I recount the devastating unraveling of my marriage, the heartbreak of infertility, and the painful silence that settled over a hospital room where love felt absent. What began as dreams of family and forever shifted into a season of profound emotional and spiritual darkness. From the illusion of permanence to the bitter ache of abandonment, I share the descent into what felt like the end of everything I knew. Through five revealing themes, I trace how this chapter marked the beginning of the end—but also the quiet stirring of something new beneath the wreckage.

Reflective Questions

Theme 1—The Illusion of Permanence

Theme 2—Confronting Infertility

1. Have you or someone you know faced challenges with infertility? How did it affect personal relationships and self-perception?
2. In facing significant medical challenges, how do you find strength, and what role do support systems play in navigating such deeply personal trials?
3. Have you ever faced a personal challenge that reshaped your dreams? How did you navigate the emotions and decisions of that time?
4. What gives you strength in moments of uncertainty? How important is support from others when facing personal trials?

Theme 3—Hospitalization and Isolation

1. Have you ever received a gesture intended to be kind but felt out of touch with your actual needs?
2. How did this impact your feelings toward the person who offered it?
3. In times of personal crisis, how important is the type of support offered by loved ones? How do their actions influence your emotional well-being?

Theme 4—The Unraveling of a Relationship

1. Think back to a relationship in your life that changed over time. What signs indicated that things were shifting?
2. In times of relational crisis, what strategies have you found most effective for addressing issues with honesty and openness?
3. How important is recognizing when a relationship no longer supports mutual growth?

Theme 5—Descent Into Darkness

1. Reflect on a time when you felt you were nearing rock bottom. How did you prepare for the challenges ahead?
2. What does it feel like to stand on the precipice of a significant life change, knowing that further challenges await?

As we close Episode 13, “My Dark Night of the Soul,” we’ve walked through the heartache of infertility, the unraveling of a once-promising relationship, and the painful descent into emotional and spiritual isolation. Each theme has revealed how loss and disconnection can strip away not just our dreams but our very sense of self.

This episode illuminated the beginning of a deeper journey—one where the outer world collapses so the inner world can begin to rebuild. Thank you for joining me on today’s podcast of From the Shadow to the Light.

As we prepare for our next episode, “Hitting Rock Bottom,” we’ll explore what it truly means to reach the lowest point—and how the darkness that nearly breaks us can also become the ground on which we rise.

In Episode 12 of From the Shadow to the Light, we step into the beauty and complexity of early love. What begins as a dream—my wedding day and honeymoon—soon reveals deeper truths beneath the surface. As reality fails to match expectation, emotional triggers and unresolved archetypes emerge. This episode explores how the desire for a perfect start can clash with inner wounds, highlighting how even the most blissful chapters can contain the seeds of awakening.

Episode Title: The Honeymoon Phase
Episode Number: 12

Welcome to Episode 12 of From the Shadow to the Light, where we dive into Chapter 12 of my memoir, Struck by Lightning: My Journey from the Shadow to the Light.

In this episode, I recount the early days of my marriage—joyful on the surface, but quietly revealing old patterns and unspoken resentments underneath. From a missing photographer to a face full of wedding cake, unmet expectations began to chip away at the illusion of perfection. On our honeymoon, moments of serenity were interrupted by sudden fears and internal reflection. Through it all, I began to see how the archetypes of the Invisible Child, the Victim, and the Dry Drunk were shaping my experience—and how solitude and presence could guide me back to truth.

Reflective Questions

Theme 1—The Perfect Start and Unexpected Hiccups

Theme 2—Unmet Expectations and Growing Resentment

1. How do unmet expectations affect your relationships?
2. What strategies do you use to manage disappointment?
3. Think about a time when someone let you down—did you express how you felt or hold it in?

Theme 3—Archetypes and Self-Reflection

1. Which archetypes show up for you in stressful situations?
2. How do they influence your reactions?
3. Can recognizing these patterns help you move through conflict with more clarity?

Theme 4—Honeymoon Bliss and Moments of Fear

1. Have you experienced fear in a moment that was supposed to be joyful?
2. How do you balance moments of joy with unexpected anxiety?
3. What did you learn from facing fear in a peaceful setting?

As we close Episode 12, may this chapter remind you that even in the most blissful moments, our inner landscape is alive with growth, truth, and transformation. The wedding and honeymoon weren’t just a celebration—they were a mirror reflecting my deepest fears, hopes, and patterns.

The contrast between joy and discomfort revealed how unhealed parts of me still longed for validation, attention, and control. Yet, within those cracks, I also found the first glimpses of what true intimacy might look like—raw, honest, and imperfect.

Thank you for joining me on today’s podcast of From the Shadow to the Light. As we prepare for our next episode, “My Dark Night of the Soul,” we explore what happens when the lights go out and you’re left alone with the truth—and the grace that follows.

In Episode 11 of From the Shadow to the Light, we explore what happens when the illusion of connection becomes a substitute for true healing. Still emotionally raw from my Breakthrough experience, I found myself swept into a rebound relationship that exposed the unresolved shadows I wasn’t yet ready to face. This episode shines a light on emotional vulnerability, the archetypes that sabotage growth, and the quiet self-deceptions that can keep us from true intimacy and transformation.

Episode Title: On the Rebound
Episode Number: 11

Welcome to Episode 11 of From the Shadow to the Light, where we dive into Chapter 11 of my memoir, Struck by Lightning: My Journey from the Shadow to the Light.

This chapter explores the complexities of emotional affairs, the self-deception that often accompanies them, and the long-term effects of rebounding from one relationship to another without allowing oneself the necessary time to heal. It’s a raw and honest look at how deeply ingrained patterns can sabotage our efforts to create healthy, fulfilling relationships. Through the lens of my experience with Tom, I began to see how unresolved wounds from the past can resurface in subtle but powerful ways, especially when we rush into new connections while still emotionally vulnerable.

In this episode, I shed light on how the Saboteur and Prostitute archetypes showed up during this period, influencing my choices and undermining my growth. These patterns, though often unconscious, had a profound impact on my ability to honor my truth and maintain healthy boundaries. As I share my story, I invite you to reflect on your own journey through emotional entanglements and discover how awareness, patience, and honesty can open the door to genuine healing.

Theme 1—The Emotional Rawness Post-Breakthrough

Theme 2—The Early Connection

1. Have you ever found yourself drawn to someone who seemed to understand your most profound transformations?
2. How do you distinguish between genuine compatibility and the excitement of new connections?
3. What role does timing play in the development of new relationships?

Theme 3—The Saboteur and the Prostitute Archetypes

1. How do the Saboteur and Prostitute archetypes manifest in your own life, and what can you learn from them?
2. What are the core issues related to these archetypes that you struggle with, and how can you address them?
3. How can you use the awareness of these archetypes to enhance your self-esteem and personal growth?

Theme 4—Emotional Affairs and Self-Deception

1. Have you ever been in an emotional affair? What did you learn about yourself from that experience?
2. How do you recognize when a platonic relationship is turning into an emotional affair?
3. What strategies can you employ to maintain honesty and integrity in your relationships, avoiding the pitfalls of self-deception?

Theme 5—The Impact of Rebound Relationships

1. What patterns do you notice in your relationships, and how can you break the cycle of unhealthy connections?
2. How can you ensure that your next relationship is based on genuine connection rather than a rebound from the past?
3. What role does self-awareness play in preventing the formation of rebound relationships?

As we wrap up today’s episode, “On the Rebound,” we’ve navigated the tumultuous waters of rebound relationships, explored the roles of key archetypes like the Saboteur and the Prostitute, and delved into the complexities of emotional affairs. Each story shared and each insight revealed has aimed to illuminate the often difficult but necessary path of personal transformation and healing.

This episode has underscored the importance of confronting our fears, embracing our true selves, and making choices that foster our long-term well-being and growth. Thank you for joining me on today’s podcast of From the Shadow to the Light. 

As we prepare for our next episode, The Honeymoon Phase, we’ll explore how fantasy and idealization can mask deeper issues—and what happens when reality starts to break through the illusion.