I just celebrated my 65th birthday, and last week, when I was strolling through Longwood Gardens, I thought how light I felt. I didn’t feel any of the heaviness I had carried around in the past. Maybe you’ve felt it, or still do—that invisible weight that holds you back from living the life you’ve always dreamed of.
That heaviness is called psychic weight and is made up of all the negative thoughts that have piled up over your life. Thoughts that have to do with guilt, shame, disappointment, fear, resentment, and more. You know it’s not real, but it lives in your head anyway.
Take resentment. It’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “When you resent someone, you allow them to live rent-free in your head.” If you’ve been this type of landlord, you are holding on to that invisible (psychic) weight, and it is weighing you down, robbing you of your confidence.
If you can relate, contact me to see how to break free and let go of it so you can feel as light as I did last week.
Did you know that the heavier your invisible or psychic weight is, the longer you have to wait to get what you want in life? It’s true: weight = wait.
That psychic weight stays in your head, but you must bring it down into your heart to make it lighter. And this is the most challenging journey of life: the journey from your head to your heart.
When you live in your heart, you’re guided by intuition, empathy, and authenticity. You no longer have the negative thoughts that hold you back. You begin to tap into the profound wisdom that lies within, and you begin to go within.
Something magical also happens; living from the heart is where our actions align with our values and passions. When we live from the heart, we exude confidence because we follow our inner compass rather than seek validation from others.
We notice that we no longer weigh as much, and as a result, we don’t have to wait as long for things to materialize in our lives. How cool is that?
Are you ready to stop living in your head and start living from your heart so you can reclaim your confident self ?
Schedule your complimentary Roadmap Call today. I’ll design the map for your journey from head to heart so you’ll have the confidence and peace of mind you’ve always dreamed of.
Have you ever noticed a feeling of heaviness, like an invisible weight, that holds you back from reaching your full potential? I know I sure have, and it is not fun. You may not notice it initially, but the more you try to accomplish things, the more you struggle and stay stuck. That heaviness is called psychic weight. If this resonates with you, contact me, so we can break free and let go of it together.
What is psychic weight?
Psychic weight refers to all the negative thoughts accumulated over our lifetime, such as resentment, guilt, shame, fear, disappointment, and frustration. It’s not real, but it lives in our heads. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying about resenting someone: Why are you allowing them to live rent-free in your head? If you’ve been this type of landlord, you are holding on to psychic weight that weighs you down like a block of ice, robbing you of your confidence. I learned from Caroline Myss that the heavier you weigh psychically, the longer it takes to manifest your desires or heal.
Weight = Wait
Let me explain a little further by using an analogy. Think of the physical world as ice, the energetic world as water, and the symbolic world as mist. Which weighs the most? Ice does, of course. When you recognize that psychic weight is an illusion, that it’s not real, you begin to let go and liberate yourself from it. You see, these negative thoughts are based on past experiences and projections about the future. As a result, you are not living in the present moment. When you learn to let go and live in the present, you begin to melt the ice, and you get lighter.
Letting go of psychic weight begins with the awareness that you carry it around. Once you’ve done this, you must consciously choose to release the thoughts and emotions that no longer serve you. This is where the power of choice will either empower you (if you decide to release the thoughts) or disempower you (if you choose to keep them in your head). One way that helps is to practice mindfulness. Being mindful means focusing on whatever is in front of you, and using your fives sense is a great beginning practice.
Another powerful method is practicing self-compassion. By treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, we can forgive past mistakes and let go of the disappointment we have in ourselves. Self-compassion allows us to acknowledge our imperfections while embracing our inherent worthiness, leading to increased self-confidence.
Do You Want to Live From the Heart?
The most challenging journey of life is when we shift our focus from our heads to our hearts. We melt the ice to make water, and since water weighs less than ice, we begin to allow ourselves to be guided by intuition, empathy, and authenticity. We begin to tap into the profound wisdom within us and begin to go within.
Something magical also happens; living from the heart is where our actions align with our values and passions. We pursue what truly fulfills us rather than feeling trapped by external expectations. When we live from the heart, we exude confidence because we follow our inner compass rather than seek validation from others. We notice that we no longer weigh as much, and as a result, we don’t have to wait as long for things to materialize in our lives. How cool is that?
Are You Ready to Step into Your Confidence?
Are you ready to stop living in your head and start living from your heart so you can reclaim your confident self and have peace of mind?
If you are, schedule your complimentary Roadmap to Your Own Personal Success and Confidence call with me today. I’ll design your personal path that shows you how to let go and start living in your heart for greater confidence.
If you are like me, your inner critic is frequently yelling at you. Are you judging others, yourself, and situations, and do you want to stop?
If you can relate, read on for some tips. Then contact me so we can shut down and weaken the Judge Saboteur together, and you can finally be free of thoughts racing through your head!
Everyone has a Saboteur. The question is, “Have you weakened it?” Chances are, you haven’t, don’t know how, or aren’t aware you even have one.
The Judge, a highly powerful Saboteur, is indoctrinated in us at an early age. We judge our performance in school, on the playground, and at home; we judge others for the same, and we judge our circumstances or situation in life.
Have you ever said to yourself, “I should have done better on that project. I’m such a loser when it comes to details,” or something similar?
Maybe you’ve judged a co-worker; “What a slacker he is; he always takes extra time on breaks.
Or you’ve judged your circumstances in life as getting the short of the stick; you weren’t born to the right parents; there’s always a wrench thrown your way to mess things up.
“We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
According to Shirzad Chamine, author of Positive Intelligence, the Judge is the universal Saboteur that beats you up repeatedly over mistakes or shortcomings, warns you obsessively about future risks, and gets you fixated on what is wrong with others or your life. Your Judge is your greatest internal enemy and causes you much of your stress and unhappiness and reduces your effectiveness.
So, what can you do, and how can you weaken the Judge?
First, ask yourself why you’re judging.
Is it because you need to belong or feel part of a group?
Is it because you need to feel “better than” or superior to someone?
Is it because you don’t want to see those aspects in yourself?
Is it because you want to know where you fit in, who, and what you like?
After becoming aware of why you’re judging, pause and feel the emotions and the bodily sensations that occur. Are they pleasant, or are they distressing?
Negative emotions are only helpful for one second as your alert signal, just like the signal you get from putting your hand on a hot stove. You don’t keep your hand on it; you remove it quickly.
You can become aware when judging by being curious and listening to what your body tells you. Change can occur when these alert signals are heeded; judging can be transmuted into discernment.
When using discernment, you are curious and search for understanding and insight from a situation enabling you to make an intelligent decision. You can see clearly and respond with empathy, compassion, creativity, and laser-focused action.
To weaken your Judge Saboteur, strengthen your discernment; it’s your key to success.
Strengthening your discernment isn’t easy, but you can increase your abilities by focusing on your business. Where do you struggle?
Do you always talk, or are you quiet as a churchmouse? If you’re perceived as a know-it-all, people will shut you out and may cause your working relationships to suffer.
On the other hand, if you never speak up, no one will recognize you as having anything to offer, which could be detrimental when working on a project.
Learning when to speak up and when to stay quiet strengthens your discernment.
Are you are perfectionist and late with your tasks? When you need to have everything perfect, you’re judging your work. Find colleagues with similar projects and watch how they complete them. Use this knowledge with your wisdom to discern what is necessary to hand in.
Do you hold onto constructive feedback as criticism from your boss? Taking time to consider and assess what value you can find in the feedback rather than getting annoyed or angry is a step in improving your discernment resulting in greater success.
If you find your Judge Saboteur is showing up frequently and blocking your success and potential, begin practicing the virtue of discernment.
Walk Through Your Fear and Step Into Your Confident Self
How often have you been confronted with a challenge to grow but lacked the confidence to walk through your fear?
For me, there have been far too many times when I stunted my development and lost power by making choices that sabotaged it. I lacked the confidence to go out and share what I have learned over the past twenty-plus years. Sure, I wrote a book about all the lessons I learned, but to go out and promote it? No, I can’t do that because I’m afraid of what you’ll think of me. Give a talk or a speech in front of more than two people? Uh-huh. No-can-do. What if I messed up? Then what? How about doing a live stream or recording a video to post? Are you nuts? What if I make a mistake? People will think I’m stupid, and I can’t let that happen.
They were my thoughts and feelings when I tried to do things but couldn’t.
And then I discovered why.
It all boiled down to a defining moment in my young life. Growing up, I was a force to be reckoned with; I was a tomboy and needed to be seen. I was also very competitive, so when I was 12 years old, I tried out for and won the lead role in our class play. Everything was great. I played the part beautifully for our school and the A. I. DuPont Children’s Hospital. But when it came time for the CYO competition, I failed miserably. by flubbing my lines after my father took a flash Polaroid photo of me. I was humiliated!
At the time, I didn’t realize that failure and humiliation had been the catalyst for my lifelong lack of confidence.
That fear blocked me from being the person I wanted and knew I could be. Instead of directing my life myself, the fear of being humiliated was the driving force. My confidence was shattered, and the need to be perfect was the justification I needed not to move forward.
Are there times when you feel like that, too? If yes, know that you, too, can walk through your fear and step into your confident self.
Here are some ways that you can do that:
Identify and Learn About It
What are you afraid of? Is it humiliation, like me? Or is it something else, like rejection, making a mistake, or failing? The only way to begin to walk through your fear is to know what it is and face it. What are your trigger signs? Do you get a tightness in your chest? Does your heart race? Does your stomach church? When you can identify a fear pattern and learn the cause, you can lean into it and find a walk to counter it.
Use Your Imagination and Visualize a Positive Outcome
You already imagine the worst possible scenario when you fear something, so why not imagine having a positive result instead? Bring an image to mind of what you want to do that you’re afraid of doing now, and visualize yourself taking every step necessary to complete it. For example, I imagine myself at an event with an audience of over one thousand. I then visualize myself walking out onto the stage, microphone in hand, and giving a great Ted Talk or some other presentation. Your mind does not know the difference between visualizing and actually doing it.
Consider It and then Believe It
When you’re about to make that move into the unknown, allow yourself to consider the worst-case scenario. What is the worst thing that can happen? Will you lose your job? It’s not likely. Will you lose your family or home? I don’t think you will. Will you die? Definitely not! Maybe you won’t do as well as you thought. Ok, I’ll do better next time. Maybe people will laugh at me. And? Have you never been laughed at before? Next time, I’ll show them! Once you’ve decided you’ll survive the worst thing that can happen, believe you can do it! Because you can! Walt Disney was right when he said, “If you can dream it, you can do it.”
Start by making small steps into small fears and gradually build them into more significant actions. Eventually, you’ll be able to walk through all your fears and step into your confident self!
“Healthy habits are learned in the same way as unhealthy ones—through practice.”
~ Wayne Dyer
The last step in the transformational coaching process is to form new habits. You’ve almost completed your journey, where you began with a problem and a desire for change. After identifying the issue you wanted to
resolve, you set a transformational goal that was so powerful it would keep you going through the digging and excavation work necessary.
The next step was to search and find the underlying pattern of your paradigm that prevents you from living the life you desire. The exploration of your beliefs and assumptions, along with your needs and goals, identified the strategies you created that caused your actions. Those actions gave you the unfavorable outcomes that transpired in your life.
You identified your First Order problem, which is the problem you presented. It led to uncovering the Second Order problem, which was the cause of your presenting problem. And finally, you recognized the Third Order problem, which was the pattern that kept your Second Order problem from being faced; it locked the paradigm in place.
You then courageously owned the pattern and learned from it.
Taking the bull by the horns, you actively engaged in your healing and transformation by completing learning tasks where you observed your thoughts and behavior, acquired insight from them, and experimented by taking new and different actions.
The fifth step was to question and release the paradigm. You recognized your paradigm, and the strength of your ego may have accelerated or hindered your change. Working through to thoroughly understand your paradigm, you discovered how your paradigm served you in life, how it limited you, and most significantly, how it was your teacher, allowing you to release it.
After this discovery and “letting go” process, you experimented to find a more expansive paradigm that supported your transformational goal. You did this by using your imagination and role-play. A new paradigm map was populated, starting with the strategies necessary to produce your desired results. As you filled the map out, you began to see your transformational goal emerge.
Finally, we arrive at the last step in your journey, Step 7: Form New Habits. You’re almost there, but it is here you need to commit yourself to cross the finish line by forming and practicing new habits.
Commitment to a new practice, to practice itself, is your final stage of transformation.
There’s a continuum that ranges from “I hope” to “I’d like to” to “I want” to “I intend” to “I commit.”
Commitment has significant power in one’s psyche, and from this place, a new paradigm gets reinforced, deepened, and embodied to the extent that it becomes your new and enduring way of being.
Freedom from your old paradigm comes at a price: your comfort. The more you need comfort, the more you will hold onto your old paradigm. A full, exciting life and being always comfortable don’t co-exist. It is here where you have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Form New Habit and Practice Accountability
“Practice is the price of mastery. Whatever you practice over and over again becomes a new habit of thought and performance.”
~ Brian Tracy
First, you agree that a new habit needs to be formed. Then, a strategy to develop new habits needs to be implanted into your life. James Clear’s four-step process is ideal for this.
They are as follows:
Cue. The cue triggers your brain to initiate a behavior, a bit of information that predicts a reward. Prehistoric humans paid attention to cues that signaled the location of primary rewards like food, water, and sex. Today, we spend most of our time learning cues that predict secondary rewards, like money and fame, power and status, praise and approval, love and friendship, or a sense of personal satisfaction.
Sometimes you can influence cues, ex.: no chocolate in the house.
Craving. Cravings are the second step and the motivational force behind every habit. Without some level of motivation or desire—we have no reason to act. What you crave is not the habit itself but the change in state it delivers.
This is the crucial part. In a transformation, you need a craving stronger than the craving for the cue (such as your craving for your transformational goal).
Response. The response is the actual habit you perform: a thought or an action.
Reward. Finally, the response delivers a reward. Rewards are the end goal of every habit. The cue is about noticing the reward, and the craving is about wanting the reward. The response is about obtaining the reward. We chase rewards because they serve two purposes:
To satisfy your craving. At least for a moment, rewards deliver contentment and relief from craving.
To teach us which actions are worth remembering. As you go about your life, your sensory nervous system continuously monitors which actions satisfy your desires and deliver pleasure.
These four steps can be transformed into a practical framework that you can use to design good habits and eliminate bad ones.
In James Clear’s Atomic Habits, he identifies three steps to change a habit, whether good or bad.
To create a good habit, you must:
The 1st law (Cue) Make it obvious.
The 2nd law (Craving) Make it attractive
The 3rd law (Response) Make it easy.
The 4th law (Reward) Make it satisfying.
To break a bad habit, you must:
Inversion of the 1st law (Cue) Make it invisible.
Inversion of the 2nd law (Craving) Make it unattractive.
Inversion of the 3rd law (Response) Make it difficult.
Inversion of the 4th law (Reward) Make it unsatisfying.
Old habits die hard. Commitment to a new practice and practice is the beginning of the final stage of transformation. Forming new habits is essential for solidifying your shift. Insight by itself is not enough; the process of habit formation is vital to sustaining your powerful paradigm shift. My hope for you is that you can stick to your commitment to practice which will lead your new paradigm to take hold.
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