Today, I am thrilled to share a piece that has emerged from the very core of my being — a blog post that delves into the intricate layers of “Embracing the Power of Keeping Your Word to Yourself.”
Rooted in my 23 years of sobriety and the shadows explored in my memoir, “Struck by Lightning: My Journey from the Shadow to the Light,” this concept transcends the surface of commitments. It’s a pilgrimage into the essence of reclaiming our confident selves.
HERE’S WHAT I I’VE EXPERIENCED AND LEARNED WHEN EMBRACING THE DEPTHS of my inner world by delving into the complexities and challenges of personal growth and self-discovery. It’s about exploring the intricacies of our thoughts, behaviors, and emotional patterns, particularly in keeping promises to ourselves. The “depths” represent the various layers of our inner selves, including both the positive aspects of growth and the challenges associated with self-betrayal or unfulfilled promises. The journey involves navigating these depths to foster personal development and a more profound connection with oneself.
Building Trust with Yourself: Keeping promises is like building trust with yourself. It shows that you can rely on your own word, creating a stronger connection with your inner self. Trust, delicate and profound, is woven through the commitment to oneself. Fulfilling promises becomes sacred, strengthening the unspoken bond with your inner self. This trust serves as a guiding light, illuminating the path of self-discovery.
Boosting Confidence: When you keep your promises, it boosts your confidence. It’s like telling yourself, “I can do this!” and becoming more self-assured in the beautiful journey of life. Confidence isn’t just a fleeting emotion; it’s a reservoir of inner strength. Each promise kept conveys resilience, embracing your authentic selfas you unravel the threads of your journey, life weaving together moments of joy, adversity, and growth. This reservoir becomes a source of courage during life’s inevitable challenges.
Aligning with Your Values: Promises are like actions that show your values. It’s about doing things that match your beliefs, creating a sense of purpose and fulfillment in your life. Promises echo our values, resonating through our choices. It’s a deliberate dance with authenticity, a conscious step into the rhythm of our core beliefs. This alignment creates a harmonious symphony, fostering a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
HERE’S WHAT I’VE EXPERIENCED AND LEARNED ABOUT NAVIGATING THE DEPTHS of the process of dealing with the challenges and complexities that arise when promises to oneself are not kept. I confronted issues like self-betrayal, stagnation, and the toll on well-being. The term emphasizes the journey of understanding and addressing these challenges, unraveling the stagnation, mitigating the emotional toll, and ultimately navigating the paradox of moving forward while acknowledging when I was wrong. It’s about actively engaging with and overcoming the obstacles that may arise on the path to personal growth and self-discovery.
Confronting Self-Betrayal: Not keeping promises can feel like betraying yourself. It’s like losing a part of who you are. Confronting self-betrayal means finding those lost pieces and bringing them back. It’s a journey into the shadows, where broken commitments signal a departure from the sanctuary of self-love and trust. Confronting self-betrayal becomes an invitation to reclaim lost parts of oneself.
Unraveling Stagnation: It’s like being stuck in one place when promises are broken. Stagnation becomes familiar, and the desire to grow feels far away. Unraveling stagnation means having the courage to move forward into new and exciting parts of your life. Broken promises act as anchors, keeping us tethered to the shores of the past. Stagnation becomes a familiar landscape, and the yearning for growth becomes a distant echo. Unraveling stagnation involves the courage to cut the anchors and set sail into the uncharted waters of personal evolution.
Mitigating the Toll on Well-Being: Not keeping promises can affect your feelings. Stress and anxiety become companions, casting shadows on our mental and emotional landscape. The toll on well-being is profound. The dissonance between aspirations and actions creates a symphony of unrest within. Mitigating this toll means finding things that make you feel good, mentally and emotionally.
How do you navigate the delicate dance of keeping promises to yourself, and what revelations have you unearthed in the process?
I encourage you to schedule a complimentary Discovery Call where you receive your personal roadmap showing you the next best steps to take to start keeping your word to yourself. It’s the beginning of learning to step into your confidence to be the person you were born to be.
Shadow Work: Confronting Disappointment and Judgment
Embarking on my intricate journey of personal development, the profound practice of Shadow Work has become my guiding light. Rooted in the depths of self-exploration, Shadow Work offers a unique pathway to liberate myself from the shadows of judgment and disappointment, paving the way for a profound sense of renewed confidence and lasting peace of mind.
Understanding My Personal Shadows:
Delving into the uncharted territories of my psyche, Shadow Work sheds light on the unconscious elements shaping my thoughts, behaviors, and perceptions. Coined by the insightful Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, the “shadow” symbolizes the suppressed or hidden facets of myself – the parts I’ve often rejected or denied. Engaging in Shadow Work is my journey of acknowledging, embracing, and integrating these shadowy aspects to achieve a more holistic and authentic sense of self.
Step 1: Illuminating My Shadows
The inaugural step on my transformative path of Shadow Work is cultivating self-awareness. Reflecting on my experiences, like messing up lines in the school play, dropping the baton in the 4×400 relays, and facing judgments for words spoken, I identify the aspects I instinctively conceal or suppress. This demands honest introspection and a courageous willingness to confront uncomfortable truths about myself.
Step 2: Embracing the Depths Within
Shadow Work invites me to embrace the darker dimensions of my personality without passing judgment. Instead of dismissing these facets, I acknowledge them as integral parts of myself. Recognizing that everyone possesses a shadow fosters self-compassion and diminishes the power of these concealed elements born from my experiences.
Step 3: Navigating Past Wounds and Traumas
Judgment and disappointment are often traced back to unresolved wounds and traumas. Shadow Work involves delving into the depths of my past to comprehend and heal these emotional scars. This journey requires courage and, at times, the support of a therapist or experienced coach to navigate the complexities of my experiences, including job terminations and failed marriages.
Step 4: Integrating My Shadows
Integration stands as a pivotal aspect of my Shadow Work. As I uncover my shadows and explore their origins, I focus on integrating these aspects into my conscious self. This transformative process involves acknowledging the lessons and strengths concealed within the shadows and incorporating them into my daily life.
Step 5: Cultivating Self-Compassion
Shadow Work is not a pilgrimage of self-condemnation but one of self-compassion. Treating myself with kindness as I navigate the shadows, I acknowledge that growth and healing are continuous processes. Cultivating self-compassion empowers me to reclaim my confidence and nurtures inner peace.
Embarking on the courageous journey of Shadow Work is an illuminating odyssey toward self-discovery. I liberate myself from judgment and disappointment by acknowledging and integrating the shadows within. This transformative process not only reinstates confidence but also nurtures a profound sense of peace and authenticity. I embrace the shadows, for within them lies the key to unlocking my most authentic, most empowered self.
Schedule your complimentary Discovery call today for a roadmap to take your next best steps. And start your journey into the light to reclaim your confidence and have peace of mind.
Let’s begin a conversation about a topic that might resonate deeply with many of us—codependency. It’s an insidious force, often lurking in the shadows, yet its impact can etch deep scars on the fabric of our lives.
Reflecting on my personal journey, the roots of my codependency were intricately entwined with a persistent sense of invalidation, a kind of “silent abuse” that may have been part of your story, too. Have you ever felt the sting of being ignored, dismissed, or having your feelings cast aside? I certainly have. In my formative years, it felt as if my emotions were invisible—no one bothered to inquire about how I felt. Little did I know, this early experience became the fertile ground for the seeds of codependency that would later manifest in my life.
Navigating the complexities of this silent predator, I began to unravel the delicate dance between childhood trauma and codependency. The echoes of unmet emotional needs reverberated through my adult life, creating the need for constant external approval and validation. It became a pattern—a dance where I poured my energy into meeting the needs of others, all the while neglecting my own.
Signs of Codependency and Childhood Trauma:
Excessive People-Pleasing: The difficulty in uttering the word ‘no’ may be traced back to a history where your own happiness was intricately woven into making others happy. This pattern often finds its roots in childhood experiences of neglect, where your well-being relies on meeting the needs of others.
Poor Boundaries: Struggling to set and maintain boundaries could be a continuation of blurred lines from childhood, where the distinctions between self and others were unclear. Recognizing and reshaping these boundaries becomes crucial in breaking free from the dance.
Fear of Abandonment: Deep-seated fears of being alone can be linked back to childhood experiences of abandonment, propelling codependent behaviors to avoid revisiting that profound pain. Addressing this fear is a crucial step in untangling the web of codependency and childhood trauma.
Low Self-Esteem: A pervasive lack of self-worth, often observed in codependency, frequently originates in childhood trauma where adequate validation and support are lacking. Rebuilding self-esteem involves acknowledging these roots and actively working towards self-validation.
Fixation on Others: Constantly focusing on others’ needs, problems, and behaviors while neglecting your own might have developed as a coping mechanism in response to childhood trauma. Recognizing and redirecting this fixation is a pivotal step toward breaking free.
Learn to Say ‘No’: Practice setting limits and saying ‘No‘ when necessary. Understand that your difficulty with saying ‘no’ might be linked to childhood experiences, and work on building the skill of assertiveness.
Set Healthy Boundaries: Practice saying ‘No‘ and redefine your relationship boundaries. Recognize that childhood experiences might have influenced your boundary-setting skills, and actively work on redefining and reinforcing them.
Challenge Negative Beliefs: Identify and challenge negative beliefs about yourself that fuel codependency, recognizing their deep roots in childhood trauma. Replace these beliefs with affirming and empowering thoughts to reshape your self-perception.
If this narrative echoes your own, if you find yourself entangled in a similar dance, know that you are not alone. I invite you to reach out and schedule a confidential “What’s Next For Me?” call. Together, we can explore the roots of your struggles and craft a personalized plan for your next best steps. You don’t have to endure another minute of this silent struggle. Take action now, and let’s embark on a transformative journey toward healing, self-discovery, and the courage to break free from the patterns of the past.
Unpacking Childhood Triggers for Better Decision-Making
We’ve all experienced that moment—the sudden spotlight, the unexpected question, the pressure to respond swiftly. It’s a scenario that can trigger a cascade of emotions, particularly for those who carry the wounds of being in trouble from their childhood. This blog post explores the profound impact of being put on the spot, linking it to experiences of authoritarian parenting, dysfunctional communication traits, and the lasting effects of childhood trauma on decision-making.
The Childhood Connection:
For many, being put on the spot awakens memories of authoritarian parents or caregivers using tactics like parental alienation and gaslighting. These dysfunctional communication styles create an environment where every response feels like walking on eggshells. Childhood memories of being asked pointed questions or facing accusations can lead to an ingrained fear of being wrong or getting into trouble.
Brain Activation Patterns:
Researchers have delved into the neurological aspects of this phenomenon, discovering that childhood trauma can alter brain activation patterns associated with decision-making. The part of the brain responsible for quick thinking and response is intricately linked to the emotional memories of being in trouble. As a result, individuals who experienced childhood trauma often find themselves struggling even more when faced with the need for rapid decision-making.
The Scenario:
Consider a common scenario—you’re in a breakout group at work or in class, and suddenly, your name is called to answer a pivotal question. The anxiety sets in. Will your response be met with approval or disapproval? Does this trigger a childhood wound of being in trouble? It evokes memories of when my father sternly asked me if I lied to my mother or when my mother confronted me, asking if I snooped under her bed and found the Christmas presents. These personal stories exemplify the lingering impact of past experiences on present-day reactions.
If you find yourself consistently grappling with the frustration of quick decision-making, it’s essential to acknowledge the potential link to childhood trauma. Taking bold steps towards understanding and managing these triggers is crucial. Schedule a free, confidential Discovery call, where we can collaboratively create a roadmap for your next best steps. Together, we can explore strategies to navigate these everyday challenges stemming from trauma triggers.
Being put on the spot is more than a fleeting discomfort; it’s a journey through the corridors of childhood memories and their lasting effects on our adult selves. Recognizing the connection between past experiences and present struggles empowers us to break free from the cycle. So, the next time you feel that familiar unease, remember—acknowledge, understand, and take courageous steps towards healing.
The first courageous step to take is to schedule a free, confidential Discovery call. Don’t let that gnawing in your gut grow one more second!
I’ve been reflecting lately on the intricate balance between fear and confidence. It’s like walking a tightrope, where fear pulls you down on one side, and confidence pulls you up on the other. Let me share a personal journey that has shaped my understanding of this delicate dance.
The Spotlight That Faded: Do you recall a moment when fear seemed to overpower everything? For me, it was during a class play when I was 12. I had the lead role, and everything went smoothly until an unexpected Polaroid flash disrupted the scene. In that split second, I forgot my lines and the humiliation that followed echoed for years, leading me to swear off acting altogether.
Perfection as a Shield: Fast forward to my attempts at creating YouTube videos. Fear had manifested itself as a fear of making mistakes and being exposed to potential ridicule. Every detail had to be flawless, and pursuing perfection became my shield against humiliation.
Breaking Free: This past February marked a turning point. I realized it was time to break free from the shackles of fear. Reflecting on past failures, I discovered strength in vulnerability. To build confidence, I had to confront my fear head-on. Before each step, I asked myself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” The answer was dramatic — I could die. Yet, this realization underscored the insignificance of my fears in the grand scheme.
The Stumble and Rise: Confidence isn’t a smooth journey; it’s a series of stumbles and falls. Each setback became an opportunity to discover an inner strength that refused to be defined by failure. It’s a reminder that setbacks are not roadblocks but stepping stones in the journey to self-discovery.
What’s Your Fear? Let’s Talk: I invite you to take a moment to reflect on your own fears. What’s holding you back?Start NOW by taking bold action. Schedule a “What’s Next for Me?” call today. Together, we’ll create the roadmap to navigate the tightrope between fear and confidence.
Walking the Tightrope: Building confidence isn’t a linear path. It’s about taking risks, facing fears, and discovering your innate capabilities. When you walk that tightrope between fear and confidence, be real, celebrate small wins, and find victory in having the courage to take those uncertain steps. You won’t be alone.
Your Fear Doesn’t Define You: It’s crucial to remember that your fears do not define you; you are defined by your ability to face them. Embrace the journey, learn from each stumble, and celebrate the triumphs of overcoming fear.
Here’s to walking through fear, celebrating victories, and embracing the incredible journey of self-discovery. Connect with me on LinkedIn and Facebook for more reflections on the courage to face uncertainty.
A Lesson from Michael Singer’s “The Untethered Soul”
If you haven’t yet dived into the profound wisdom of Michael Singer’s “The Untethered Soul,” I strongly recommend you get your hands on a copy. Singer’s insights can open doors to personal freedom and inner peace you might not have thought possible. One of the standout chapters in the book is Chapter 9: Removing Your Inner Thorn, which sheds light on the art of welcoming life’s challenges as opportunities for growth.
In Singer’s view, life’s obstacles, often manifested as emotions like anger, fear, and envy, can be seen as “your inner thorns.” Many of us, myself included, tend to hold onto these issues, not letting go of them, without even realizing that we have a choice in the matter. We go to great lengths to protect ourselves from the pain these inner thorns cause, and often, that means suppressing them, denying their existence, or simply ignoring them. It’s akin to playing a never-ending game of “whack-a-mole,” where we smack one problem down only to have another pop up. If this sounds familiar to you, you’re not alone.
However, my perspective on life took a dramatic turn when I got sober in 2000. It was as if a veil had been lifted, and I realized I had choices. Real choices! I could continue protecting my
problems or opt to remove them. I chose the latter, and I let go of them. By releasing these issues’ hold on me, I felt free. My metaphorical chains were cut. This solution is simple in theory but not easy in practice. Each thing I let go of in my life had left claw marks all over my psyche.
Now, let me share a miraculous moment from my life that illustrates the power of letting go.
In 2013, the Friday before Labor Day, I had an MRI of my knee to determine if I had a meniscus tear. The results were supposed to be available in 48 hours, but due to the holiday weekend, I wouldn’t receive the news until the following Tuesday. Having heard nothing from the doctor’s office by Wednesday, I called to inquire about the results. I heard crickets. The same thing happened on Thursday. By Friday, I was thoroughly frustrated and told the receptionist that I wouldn’t hang up until I spoke with someone. Finally, the physician assistant (PA) took the call and was surprised because she had instructed her assistant to contact me to find out where the MRI was performed. She promised to call me back when I informed her of the location. Within twenty minutes, she was on the phone, confirming the presence of a tear and the need for surgery.
With my insurance set to renew on October 1st, I asked if the surgery could be scheduled earlier, considering my end-of-the-month appointment. The PA offered an opening at 9 a.m. the following Monday, although it was at a different location. “Great, I’ll take it,” I replied, and I was starting to release my earlier irritation at the staff’s mishandling of the situation.
Here’s where the magic happened:
I arrived at the new location at 8:50 a.m., ten minutes early, and checked in. As I sat down to wait, I began reading Chapter 9: Removing Your Inner Thorn. Twenty minutes later, the receptionist called me to the desk and asked, “What are you doing here, Debbie? Your appointment isn’t until the end of the month.“ Without any emotional reaction, I explained what I had been told, and her response was, “Oh, we’ll have to squeeze you in somewhere.”
I sat and waited for another thirty-five minutes but felt no frustration or annoyance this time. I observed the situation unfold, and any residual thorns that might have bothered me were nowhere to be found. I didn’t have to remove my inner thorn because I had never allowed it to take root in the first place. That, my friends, is a true miracle!
In the spirit of “The Untethered Soul,” I leave you with this simple yet profound message: The power to let go and find inner peace is within your reach. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.
Are you able to let go and find your inner peace?
If not, take your best next step in finding out how to do it by scheduling your complimentary Discovery Sessionto get your Personal Roadmap to Confidence and Peace of Mind.
