One of the most profound yet challenging lessons in the journey of self-discovery and healing is learning how to surrender. Surrendering is not about giving up or resigning ourselves to defeat. Instead, it is a conscious choice to release the grip of control, to trust a greater force—whether it be God, the universe, or our Higher Self—and to allow life to unfold as it is meant to. But what does surrender look like, and how can we truly let go in a way that leads to healing and growth? Here, we’ll explore the essence of surrender, the practical steps to embrace it, and its transformative impact on our lives.
What Does Surrender Really Mean?
Surrender is a practice of faith and trust, a willingness to let go of the need to manage every aspect of life. It’s a conscious release of control over outcomes, people, or situations we cannot change. Often, it’s those moments when we hit our lowest point—our “rock bottom”—that we realize the necessity of surrendering. For many, surrendering comes with a profound sense of clarity, a moment of peace when we decide to step back and let a Higher Power guide us. Letting go requires courage, humility, and a belief that even when we don’t understand the why, a more significant purpose is at play.
Why Is Surrender So Challenging?
As humans, we’re wired to seek security and control. We want to protect ourselves from pain and uncertainty, so we cling tightly to things we feel we can influence. Surrendering often means loosening our grip on our deeply held beliefs and releasing old patterns that no longer serve us. Letting go is intimidating because it requires us to step into the unknown, trusting that there is wisdom in the process even if we can’t see it yet.
How to Practice Surrender
Identify What You’re Holding Onto
The first step in surrendering is recognizing what you resist or try to control. Maybe it’s a past hurt, a challenging relationship, or a need to be perfect. Name it, bring it to your awareness, and be honest about how it’s impacting your life.
Acknowledge Your Desire for Control
Accept that the desire for control is natural. Reflect on how attempting to control everything might be limiting you, adding stress, or even causing pain. Understand that letting go doesn’t mean you’re powerless; it means allowing space for greater strength to emerge.
Embrace the Power of Faith
Whether you find faith in God, the universe, or your inner wisdom, trusting in something greater than yourself is essential. In moments of fear or frustration, remind yourself that there is a purpose beyond your immediate understanding. Surrendering is an act of faith—a belief that even in uncertainty, there is guidance.
Practice Letting Go in Small Ways
Surrender doesn’t have to start with life’s most significant issues. Begin with something small, like letting go of the need to control an outcome in a minor situation. Observe the relief it brings and use this as a stepping stone for larger moments of surrender.
Shift from Reaction to Response
Instead of reacting with anxiety or frustration when things don’t go as planned, pause, breathe, and consciously respond. Ask yourself: “How can I see this differently?” or “What is the lesson in this for me?” Surrender involves moving away from a reactive state and into a place of observation and acceptance.
Create a Ritual of Release
Rituals can be powerful in letting go. Write down your worries, fears, or things you can’t control, and then release them—burn the paper, bury it, or throw it away. Physically releasing these items can bring a sense of freedom and lightness.
What Happens When You Surrender
When you choose to surrender (and it is a choice), you allow yourself to move from resistance to acceptance. This shift creates a space for clarity, healing, and new perspectives to emerge. The very act of letting go can feel like lifting a heavy burden, opening the door to peace, joy, and greater resilience.
In my journey, I experienced a moment of surrender that transformed everything. After struggling and resisting the need for help, I reached a point where I could no longer keep up the fight. That moment of surrender was like a gift, an unexpected clarity, and peace that washed over me. I then understood surrender not as a loss but as an invitation to allow grace to guide my steps forward. I was no longer carrying the weight of my burdens alone.
When we surrender, we align with our higher self and invite miracles into our lives. Healing begins not because we have forced it but because we have allowed space for it to unfold naturally. We start seeing signs, receiving insights, and feeling supported in ways we couldn’t have imagined.
Surrendering is not a single act but a practice, a choice we make every day to trust the journey we are on. It’s a profound transformation that teaches us that even in our darkest moments, we are never truly alone.
Embrace the Journey of Surrender
If you’re struggling with the idea of surrender, start by simply being open to it. Know that surrendering is not a sign of weakness but of immense strength. It’s the courage to let go and trust that, in doing so, we open ourselves to a life of greater peace, wisdom, and healing.
Surrender may feel like stepping into the unknown, but it is often there, in the depths of our vulnerability, that we find our truest strength. So, breathe, trust, and allow yourself the grace to let go. The path forward might surprise you, bringing growth, peace, and possibilities beyond your imagination.
If you’re holding onto something and want to let it go but can’t, schedule your complimentary Discovery call. Together, we’ll plan the first steps for you to let it go.
Step 1 for Everyday People: Acknowledging Powerlessness to Regain Control
It’s easy to get caught up in trying to control everything—whether it’s people, situations, or outcomes. But one of the most liberating realizations is that we are truly powerless over people, places, and things. For those familiar with recovery programs, this is the core of Step 1. However, this truth applies to everyone, regardless of their struggles. Recognizing our powerlessness doesn’t mean we’re weak—it’s the first step toward finding true freedom and serenity.
The Myth of Control
We often try to manage or fix the world around us, believing that if we work harder, speak louder, or plan better, we can change outcomes or people’s behaviors. But the truth is, we don’t have the power to control how people respond to us, what happens in the world, or even how life unfolds. The more we try, the more unmanageable our lives become.
Reflection: Think about a time you tried to control someone or something, and it spiraled out of control. What did you learn from that experience?
Letting Go of People, Places, and Things
It’s common to believe that by controlling others or situations, we can shape the life we want. But how often has that led to frustration or burnout? Step 1 reminds us that we cannot change other people’s actions, the circumstances we face, or even the past. The more we cling to the need to control, the more chaotic life becomes.
Reflection: Where in your life are you holding on too tightly? Are you trying to control your partner, children, job, or health?
Facing Unmanageability
Once we recognize our powerlessness, it’s natural to feel the discomfort of unmanageability. We might feel lost, confused, or even scared. But admitting that life is unmanageable doesn’t mean we give up. It’s the beginning of accepting reality as it is—and from there, we can start making more empowered choices based on what we can control: ourselves.
Reflection: How does unmanageability show up in your life? What signs tell you that your efforts to control have led to chaos?
The Freedom in Surrender
Surrendering doesn’t mean giving up—it means releasing the false belief that we can control everything. We open ourselves to new possibilities by embracing powerlessness, including peace of mind and inner freedom. We focus on managing what we can control—our reactions, choices, and personal growth.
Reflection: What areas of your life could benefit from surrender? Where can you let go to make room for more peace?
Step 1—acknowledging that we are powerless over people, places, and things and that life has become unmanageable—is not just for those in recovery. It’s a transformative realization for anyone struggling with the stresses of everyday life. Once we accept our limits, we can live more freely, focusing on the things within our control and finding serenity in the flow of life.
Call to Action: If you’re ready to release the burden of control and step into a new way of being, take a moment to reflect on one thing you can let go of today, and then schedule your complimentary Discovery call to ensure that it is lasting.
In The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz reminds us to always do our best. This simple yet profound principle has woven itself into the tapestry of my life, especially regarding technology, relationships, and creativity.
Doing My Best with Technology
Some days, technology challenges can feel like a relentless maze of frustration. Whether it’s trying to figure out new software, troubleshooting website glitches, or handling technical failures, I’ve learned that my best on any given day can vary. There are moments when everything clicks, and I’m in flow, effortlessly solving problems. On other days, it’s a test of patience. What helps me is the commitment not to give up. Even if I don’t have all the answers right away, I remind myself that doing my best means continuing to try, learning along the way, and knowing that persistence is its own form of success.
Doing My Best with People
The art of human connection is another place where I strive to apply the principle of doing my best. Whether in my coaching practice, with family, or with friends, my goal is always to meet people where they are, without judgment. Some days, it’s easier to stay grounded in acceptance, to be a compassionate listener, and to uplift others. But like all of us, I have days when it’s harder. I’ve learned that doing my best isn’t about perfection; it’s about showing up authentically, with kindness, and making others feel good whenever I can. The beauty of this agreement is that it allows room for our humanity—for those moments where we may fall short, knowing that we’ve still done our best in that moment.
Doing My Best with Creativity
My creativity ebbs and flows like the tide; some days, the ideas pour out effortlessly, while others feel blocked or stagnant. I’ve come to understand that when I trust in the process and do my best, even when inspiration feels scarce, I am rewarded. My best isn’t measured by external validation or the final product. It’s the satisfaction of knowing I’ve taken action, made space for creativity, and allowed myself to express what’s within. I do my best simply because I love what I do—no rewards are necessary when the process fills me with gratitude.
Doing Your Best is a Habit
Doing your best is not just a goal—it’s a habit and a great one to have. I strive to do my best in everything I do and feel. The first three agreements—Be impeccable with your word, Don’t take anything personally, and Don’t make assumptions—will only work if you do your best. Don’t expect that you will always be impeccable with your word;just do your best. Don’t expect that youwon’tever takeanything personally. Just do your best. Don’t expect that you’ll never make assumptions. Just do your best. The magic happens when you keep showing up and giving your best effort, no matter the circumstances. Over time, you’ll find that these habits weaken and become less frequent.
Taking Action is Enough
Ruiz beautifully reminds us that when we always do our best, we avoid self-judgment and regret. For me, this Agreement isn’t about striving for perfection but about embracing the action itself. Whether I’m tackling technology, interacting with people, or creating something new, as long as I know I’ve given my best effort, I can rest easy. The reward is in the doing, in the commitment to show up fully, no matter what the outcome. And that’s where I find my gratitude—knowing that each day, in every situation, I’m doing the best I can with what I have.
If you want to learn more about the path to freedom and transformation with The Four Agreements, schedule your complimentary Discovery call now.
One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned on my journey toward personal growth and healing is from Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements. The third agreement, “Don’t make assumptions,” might seem simple on the surface, but when you dig into its implications, it has the potential to profoundly change how you approach life and relationships.
For many years, I was trapped in the habit of making assumptions. I would leap to conclusions without all the necessary facts, and those assumptions would often lead me to feel hurt, frustrated, or angry. Looking back, I can see how this behavior created unnecessary conflict in my life. It always seemed to stem from an underlying belief that I had to protect myself from rejection or disappointment.
One moment stands out in particular. I had a date lined up with someone I was really looking forward to seeing. I spent the entire afternoon getting ready. I picked out the perfect outfit, carefully did my hair and makeup, and genuinely felt excited about the evening. But my phone rang just ten minutes before I was about to leave. It was him—canceling. There was no explanation, no suggestion of rescheduling, only, “I can’t make it tonight.”
My mind immediately went into overdrive. I assumed the worst. He must have found someone else, I thought. I’m clearly not important enough, I concluded. I took it personally and spiraled into feelings of unworthiness and rejection. This simple cancellation felt like confirmation of every insecurity I’d ever had.
But here’s the thing: I didn’t know the full story. It turned out that his father had passed away unexpectedly that day. I was so consumed with my own assumptions that I hadn’t even considered that something so serious might have happened. When I learned the truth, I felt terrible—not just for my friend, but for how quickly I had jumped to a conclusion and made it all about me.
That experience was a pivotal moment for me. It opened my eyes to how destructive assumptions can be, not only in our relationships but also in how we view ourselves. It taught me that assumptions are often based on fear—fear of rejection, fear of inadequacy, fear of the unknown.
About five years later, I found myself in a similar situation. Once again, I had plans that were canceled at the last minute. But this time, I didn’t assume the worst or make it about me. I simply thought, “Okay, this opens up an opportunity to do something different with my evening.” I felt calm, at peace, and even curious about what other possibilities the night might hold. It was a huge shift from the way I used to react.
Here’s what I’ve learned about not making assumptions:
Clarity is key. When you feel uncertain, instead of jumping to conclusions, seek clarity. Ask questions. Don’t let your mind fill in the gaps with worst-case scenarios. Often, all it takes is a simple conversation to understand what’s really going on.
Most of the time, it’s not about you. This was a hard lesson for me to learn. I used to take everything personally. But the truth is, other people’s actions often reflect what’s happening in their own lives—not a reflection of your worth or importance. When you stop taking things personally, you free yourself from so much unnecessary emotional turmoil.
Embrace the unknown. Not knowing something doesn’t have to be scary. Sometimes, when things don’t go as planned, it opens up new opportunities you hadn’t considered. Instead of making assumptions, try to see the unknown as an exciting space for possibilities.
Assumptions are limiting beliefs. When we assume, we close ourselves off from potential truths and experiences. Breaking the habit of assuming means opening ourselves to more understanding, better communication, and healthier relationships.
The bottom line? Don’t let your mind trick you into believing things that aren’t true. Assumptions can be dangerous because they feel real, but they’re often just stories we create in our heads. So, the next time you find yourself making an assumption, pause. Ask for clarity if you need it. And remember, the truth is always better than the stories we tell ourselves.
If you are making assumptions and want to change but don’t know where to start, schedule your complimentary Discovery call today.Here’s a short TikTok video on the Third Agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions.
Don’t Take Anything Personally – A Path to True Freedom
Before I got sober, I took everything personally. If someone looked at me the wrong way, I’d cry. I had no self-esteem, and even the slightest negative comment—whether it was meant to help or not—would completely shatter me. I was hypersensitive and constantly felt like the world was against me. My worth was so tied up in what others thought of me that I felt like I was walking through life on a fragile glass floor, waiting for it to crack beneath me.
This way of living was exhausting. I lived with the constant fear of judgment, rejection, and criticism, always searching for validation from others to feel okay about myself. But the truth was, no amount of external approval could fix the deep void within me. I needed something more substantial. Something that wasn’t dependent on the shifting opinions of others.
That’s when The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz came into my life, and one of its core teachings—Don’t Take Anything Personally—started to shift my entire perspective.
Understanding the Power of “Don’t Take Anything Personally”
The second agreement in The Four Agreements is a simple yet profound idea: nothing others do is because of you. Instead, it’s a reflection of their reality. People’s actions and words are shaped by their experiences, beliefs, and emotions. What they project onto you is about them, not you.
It was a revelation for someone like me—who used to live for other people’s approval. Whenever I took someone’s words or actions personally, I gave them control over my emotions and my sense of self-worth. I was letting other people define me. But what Ruiz taught me was that I could take my power back. I didn’t have to let others dictate how I felt about myself.
The Shift: Reclaiming My Power
The idea that what others say and do has nothing to do with me was liberating. I began to see how often I had been giving away my power by allowing the words of others to affect me so profoundly. Whether it was a harsh comment from a stranger, criticism from a loved one, or an offhand remark, I allowed it to dictate my mood, self-esteem, and, ultimately, happiness.
But here’s the truth: when you stop taking things personally, you regain control of your emotions. You stop living in constant reaction mode and start responding from a place of inner strength. You begin to realize that you define yourself, not anyone else. That is true freedom.
What AA Taught Me: What Others Think Is None of My Business
I learned another powerful lesson in AA that helped solidify this understanding: What someone thinks about me is none of my business. It was such a simple phrase, but it resonated deeply with me. I was obsessed with what other people thought of me for so long. I felt like I needed their approval to feel okay about myself, and if I didn’t get it, I was crushed.
But this lesson taught me that I am not responsible for other people’s opinions. Their thoughts are shaped by their experiences, biases, and emotional state. I have no control over them, and more importantly, they have no control over me—unless I let them.
This realization was like a breath of fresh air. It allowed me to let go of the constant worry about how I was being perceived. I stopped living my life for others and started living it for myself.
My Spiritual Awakening: The Masks Came Off
After years of hiding behind the masks I’d worn for so long—masks of trying to be perfect, to please others, and to be someone I wasn’t—I experienced a profound spiritual awakening. When the masks came off, I stopped caring what anyone thought of me. It wasn’t that I didn’t value the opinions of those I loved, but I no longer needed their approval to feel okay.
I finally understood that I didn’t have to be perfect, and I didn’t have to seek validation outside of myself. I knew who I was; more importantly, God knew the truth. And that was all that mattered.
The sense of peace and freedom I felt was indescribable. For the first time, I wasn’t living for anyone else’s approval. I wasn’t trying to be something I wasn’t. I was being myself—unapologetically.
How You Can Apply This to Your Own Life
If you struggle with taking things personally—if you feel like others’ words and opinions weigh you down, keep you small, or dictate your sense of self-worth—I encourage you to reflect on this second agreement from The Four Agreements. Consider the following questions:
How often do you take things personally?
How do you allow others’ opinions to dictate your emotions and actions?
What would it feel like to release yourself from needing external approval?
When you stop taking things personally, you begin to experience a level of freedom and peace that is difficult to describe. You realize you don’t have to carry the weight of others’ judgments or expectations. You can be, knowing that your worth comes from within.
You are not responsible for anyone else’s opinions or feelings. You are only responsible for your inner peace. And that is more than enough.
Learning to stop taking things personally was one of the most critical shifts in my life. It allowed me to break free from the chains of other people’s opinions and find a sense of inner strength and peace that I never thought was possible. I no longer live in constant fear of what others might think. I know who I am, and I know my truth. And that’s all that matters.
Schedule your complimentary Discovery call today if you’re ready to reclaim your power and stop living for others. You might be surprised at how much lighter and freer you feel when you stop taking things personally.
