If you haven’t read Michael Singer’s “The Untethered Soul” yet, do yourself a favor and go buy the book; that is, if you want personal freedom and inner peace. Singer takes you on a journey that is easy to understand, yet is profound in many ways. One of my favorite chapters is Chapter 9: Removing Your Inner Thorn, which is about welcoming life’s challenges and seeing them as opportunities for growth.
Life’s obstacles can be viewed as “your inner thorns” and may include anger, fear, envy, and more. In my own life, I held onto these issues for a very long time, never being aware I had a choice. In fact, all I knew was that I “protected” them by altering my behavior so they would not be so painful. Many times, that meant pushing them down, denying they even existed, even though they were ever so present in my life. It was like playing the boardwalk game “whack-a-mole”, where I would bop one problem down only to see another pop-up. This was a recurring theme in my life. Have you had this happen?
When I got sober in 2000, the veil was lifted, leaving me cognizant I had choices. I had choices! This meant I could keep protecting my problems or I could remove them. Choosing the latter, I simply let them go. By not holding to anything that weighed me down, I was now free. My chords were cut. Although this is a simple solution, it is not easy! Everything I let go of in my life had claw marks all over it.
One day, as I was sitting in my orthopedic doctor’s office, a miracle occurred. Let me give you the background.
The Friday before Labor Day, 2013, I had an MRI of my knee to rule in/out a meniscus tear. The results were available in 48 hours, but since it was a holiday weekend I wouldn’t be informed until the following Tuesday. By Wednesday, after not hearing from the doctor’s office, I called asking for the outcome. Since no one was able to come to the phone, I left a message. The same thing happened on Thursday. By Friday I was thoroughly irritated and I told the receptionist I was staying on the phone until I spoke to someone. The PA took the call and was surprised because she told her assistant to call me to find out where the MRI was taken. When I informed her of the location, she promised to call me right back. Within twenty minutes she was on the phone telling me a tear was present and I needed surgery.
Since my insurance was to be renewed October 1st, and knowing I had an appointment at the end of the month, I asked if it could be rescheduled for an earlier time, allowing sufficient time to schedule the operation. The PA told me there was an opening at 9 am that Monday, but at a different location. “Great, I’ll take it”, I told her and was beginning to let go of my earlier agitation at the staff’s ineptitude.
Scenario: I arrive at the new location at 8:50 am and check-in a full ten minutes early. As I sat down to wait, I began reading Chapter 9: “Removing Your Inner Thorn”. Twenty minutes later, the receptionist called me upfront and asked, “What are you doing here? Your appointment isn’t until the end of the month.” Without any emotion, I related what I was told, and her reply was, “Oh, we’ll have to squeeze you in here somewhere.”
As I sat down and waited another thirty-five minutes, there was no angst within me at all. I just watched as the spectacle, the angst, just passed me by. I didn’t have to remove my inner thorn, because I never allowed the thorn to come in, in the first place. Now that, my friends, is a true miracle!
Why do you want to know? First, an archetype is a pattern of power that everyone, including you, recognizes and uses all the time. When you label a person as a Princess or a Rebel, you know their characteristics just from that one word. When you say, “She’s such a Princess!” you know the person you’re talking about loves all things fine and beautiful, as well as wanting a Knight to sweep her away and take care of her forever. With the Rebel, you know the person goes against the mainstream, whether it be concerning religion, appearance, or authority. In other words, when you identify someone’s archetype, you don’t have to explain its meaning; with that one word, everyone understands it psychically.
Second, and perhaps more importantly, you want to know what your archetypes are to become empowered. The following analogy will allow you to grasp the significance of it. Imagine a train. Your BODY is the CABOOSE, and the ARCHETYPE is the ENGINE. You want to learn your archetypes to get your hands on the ENGINE, which has all the POWER. When you live your life in the CABOOSE, you are being dragged, unable to direct your life. You have NO POWER. You ask yourself, “How did this happen? How did I get here?” and the answer is, you are not in the engine of your own train.
Also, archetypes are impersonal; there is no emotion in this level of consciousness. There is only data. You may get emotional about the data, but there is no emotion in this realm of energy.
HOW MANY ARCHETYPES DO YOU HAVE?
You have 12 basic archetypes, 4 of which are common to the human race: Saboteur, Prostitute, Victim, Child (Magical, Orphan, Wounded, Nature, Eternal, Divine). Caroline Myss identifies these 4 in her work, Sacred Contracts, as the Survival Archetypes, and in essence, give you opportunities throughout your life to develop self-esteem. (You are not born with self-esteem, you must build it.) Think of them as four legs of a table. One of the legs is going through the challenges of the Saboteur. You will feel these challenges because life presents you with many situations where you have the opportunity to empower yourself instead of sabotage. We often fear change, yet change is necessary to deepen our resolve to see the world more truthfully. Deliberately turning away opportunities that will positively change your life is a glaring signal you are in the shadow of the Saboteur.
Another leg of the table that confronts you is the Prostitute archetype. We all go through trials where we are tested to cultivate our faith, not to negotiate any part of our lives for the well-being of our physical security. When you have no faith, there will always be a price you are willing to obtain. With faith, you cannot be bought; your integrity (self-esteem) is intact. The Prostitute shows itself when you’re in a job you know is not ethical, or you remain in an unhealthy relationship for fear of being alone. When you confront your fears of survival, having faith you can take care of yourself, this archetype is transformed into your protector.
The Victim, a fear known by everyone, is also a leg that supports your table of self-esteem and self-respect. In its shadow, the Victim is present every time you tell yourself it’s never your fault. You are given a road map with obstacles and challenges that will make you feel like nothing is easy. It’s when you take things personally. An example is when someone takes an illness, such as cancer, and says, “Why did this happen to me?” Once you tell yourself the disease, cancer, happens to many people and is not personal, you are victorious and have confronted the shadow. The illness itself is impersonal, but your experience of cancer is intensely personal.
The fourth and final leg of the table is the Child archetype, which contains various types, such as the Wounded, Abandoned, Orphan, Invisible, Eternal, Magical, or Divine Child. Without going into all types of Child, suffice it to say the core issue of all the Child archetypes, writes Caroline Myss, “is dependency vs. responsibility: when to take responsibility; when to take responsibility, when to have a healthy dependency, when to stand up to the group, and when to embrace communal life.” When you think of a child, you see someone who is happy and carefree, which is our normal state. As we grow from children to teenagers and finally adults, we go through various maturation stages, such as when you become conscious of what is right and wrong at around the age of seven to when your spiritual power emerges around twenty-one. Each archetype is bound by both light and shadow aspects, of which the latter must be confronted.
If you are intrigued by what you’ve just read, then I’ve done my job. It’s important to remember that archetypes are impersonal patterns of power in you; they are neither good nor bad; they are just patterns by which you behave. There is no emotion in archetypes; there is only data. They are real forces, entities and they are psychic fields. When you understand the power archetypes have, you’ll become empowered by discovering the TRUTH about yourself, and FEAR will slip away…..I promise. One thing I’ve learned is “the speed at which you see TRUTH changes the speed of CHANGE in your life.” Do you want that to happen? If so, contact me for more information or to schedule an appointment. You’ll be glad you did.
One morning last week, I was sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast, when I picked up the new O’ magazine. An article by Elizabeth Gilbert caught my attention. It was titled, “The View from Here”, and she wrote how “the older she got, the less interested she was in investigating the truth about our lives, and the more interested in the way we see that truth”.
The article stirred a childhood memory I had with my father. When I was in sixth grade, I was allowed to learn to play a musical instrument. There was one caveat; there was a three year commitment. As I saw my brother, who in my eyes, was a definite commitaphobe, stick it out with the drums, I was eager to begin saxophone lessons. It was 1969 and 12-year old girls didn’t play saxophone; it wasn’t very “feminine”, my dad said. He suggested I learn the flute or clarinet, befitting of my gender and age.
What is the truth? The truth is, it was 1969 and 12 year old girls (in Parochial school, no less) didn’t play saxophone. And just as Elizabeth Gilbert states, “What seems to matter in the end is not so much what happens to us, but how we perceive what happens to us. That perception, ultimately , becomes the world we will inhabit.” And in the end, I didn’t play the saxophone, and even though I really loathed playing the clarinet, it wasn’t playing the clarinet that I remember, as much as it was my perception of what my father said to me.
Years later, when I mentioned this incident to him, he laughed and said, “Deb-Deb, I never said that the saxophone wasn’t feminine and you couldn’t play it.” I just grinned and smiled, having learned so much from Don Miguel Ruiz’s , “The Four Agreements”: When you remember something one way, that is your truth. When someone remembers it a different way, they are not wrong any more than you are. They simply perceive the truth a different way.
Have you ever held onto anger when you’ve been cut off by another car? I have, and it wasn’t a pretty sight. My stomach would knot, my chest felt like it was about to explode, and I would bless the driver with my middle finger. It was a personal attack on me. So personal, I knew they planned to cut me, Debbie Gill, off, on Friday, August 13, 1999, at the on-ramp of Rte. 1 and I-95 precisely at 4:46 pm! The anger and resentment overflowed within me. As a result, I took my rage out on unsuspecting and undeserving people, such as my partner, friends, and parents.
There are many other ways I cultivated resentments: having expectations, trying to control others and not being able to, and being betrayed by a lover or spouse, to name a few. Needless to say, I wasn’t a pleasant person to be around. It wasn’t until the following year, when, after an 8-month relapse, that I understood the meaning of an expression from AA (not Buddha, as most people think), “Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” The quote I love the most is, “Resentment is when you’re an asshole in a bad neighborhood!” You resend the hurt over and over, the story gets bigger and bigger, and the “offender” has no clue; they’re off somewhere in the world having a great time! Now tell me, who’s hurting who?
How did I let go of the anger and resentment? It wasn’t easy and may take time, but be patient with yourself. The following steps are the ones I took to overcome this significant barrier to peace and serenity:
Step 1. Follow Step 3 in the AA 12-step program: “Made a decision to turn our will and our life over to care of God as I understand Him.” This step is a biggie, but it is the cornerstone of my “letting go.” “Let go and let God.”
Step 2. Realize you have a choice: hold onto the anger and resentment, ruminating about it, or release it by reflecting on why someone may have wronged you; sit with the hurt so you can then choose to forgive. Think of several redeeming qualities the person who harmed you has.
Step 3. There’s a wise story in the back called “Freedom From Bondage in the Big Book of AA.” A profound betrayal deeply wounded me, so much I wanted revenge. My sponsor told me to read this story. The gist of it is: “Get down on your knees and pray for that person – even if you don’t mean it. Do this every morning and night for two weeks,” and the resentment will begin to recede, which leads to:
Step 4. Forgiveness. You choose to forgive the other person, not for them, nor condone what they did. But forgiveness is necessary for you to open your heart to love again. And my dear friend, love is all we need.
As I near the 6th anniversary of my first yoga class in June, I am amazed by what my practice has given me. When I take a glance back, I see a shell of a woman wracked with pain, who depended on 15 pills, 7 of which were narcotic, just to get through the day. It was at this despondent time when I contemplated the best way for me to “check-out.” What delivered me from certain death was committing to a yoga practice where I showed up five days a week, no matter what. Johnny, my instructor, would encourage me to “work through the pain.” As challenging, and sometimes unbearable, as it was, I did what I was told to do, just as I did when I first came into the rooms of AA. I checked my ego at the door, and while humbling, taking direction and not being in the driver’s seat was also a source of my most significant growth.
As a result of my commitment to a regular yoga practice, several changes have occurred. First, my physical body transformed from a rigid, steel-like frame to one more supple and pliable. I became aware of my posture and the way I walked and moved. Ujjayi breathing increased my lung capacity and respiration dramatically, as well as my balance. Next, yoga aided my emotional well-being as it allowed me to become more mindful and live in the present while improving my mind-body connection. I’ve become more self-aware and self-confident. My intuitive abilities have also increased. Finally, yoga has given me the courage to go deeper within, exploring unknown parts of myself while generating a deeper connection with God. It’s cleared my chakras or energy centers, and I’ve fostered a greater sense of purpose in life. I have a greater appreciation for everything around me, as well as a more profound sense of gratitude.
The past 6 years have not been all easy or a bed of roses; nothing worthwhile in life is. But one thing I know for sure if you want a happier, healthier, and more fulfilled life in your physical, emotional, and spiritual realms, commit to a regular yoga practice. Don’t quit before the magic happens….it will happen…it may come quicker for some, but it will ALWAYS happen if you work for it.
WHAT IS AN ARCHETYPE? 
You want to learn your archetypes to get your hands on the ENGINE, which has all the POWER. When you live your life in the CABOOSE, you are being dragged, unable to direct your life. You have NO POWER. You ask yourself, “How did this happen? How did I get here?” and the answer is, you are not in the engine of your own train.
You will feel these challenges because life presents you with many situations where you have the opportunity to empower yourself instead of sabotage. We often fear change, yet change is necessary to deepen our resolve to see the world more truthfully. Deliberately turning away opportunities that will positively change your life is a glaring signal you are in the shadow of the Saboteur.
the Victim is present every time you tell yourself it’s never your fault. You are given a road map with obstacles and challenges that will make you feel like nothing is easy. It’s when you take things personally. An example is when someone takes an illness, such as cancer, and says, “Why did this happen to me?” Once you tell yourself the disease, cancer, happens to many people and is not personal, you are victorious and have confronted the shadow. The illness itself is impersonal, but your experience of cancer is intensely personal.
Needless to say, I wasn’t a pleasant person to be around. It wasn’t until the following year, when, after an 8-month relapse, that I understood the meaning of an expression from AA (not Buddha, as most people think), “Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” The quote I love the most is, “Resentment is when you’re an asshole in a bad neighborhood!” You resend the hurt over and over, the story gets bigger and bigger, and the “offender” has no clue; they’re off somewhere in the world having a great time! Now tell me, who’s hurting who?
