by | Jul 22, 2016


When I arrived home sixteen years ago from a 30-day program at the Caron Treatment Center located in Wernersville, PA, I knew I needed to change my thoughts and the words I spoke. Specifically, I needed to reprogram and reboot my consciousness,  a very challenging task, to say the least.change thoughts

As I created an outline of what was vital, I realized the first step for my success was the willingness to do the work, which is simple but not easy in theory. We are, after all, programmed from even before the day we are born to do, be, and act, whatever our “tribe” teaches us.

If I wanted lasting change, it was essential that I  leave the “tribe” and individuated. For the first time in my life, be independent, focusing on the thoughts I was thinking and the words I was speaking. To my revelation, I was not only losing power, but I was also noncommittal. For a person of integrity, where your word means everything, wavering is a death sentence.

For instance, even constructively, when someone criticized me, I took it personally and felt they hurt my lightbulbfeelings. Suddenly, a light bulb lit up, and I took my power back as I knew no one is capable of making me feel a certain emotion. I choose how I feel, just like it’s a choice to be happy – no matter what! Again, simple, but not always easy for those in the shadow.

Also, I removed certain words from my vocabulary; try, probably, and hard. Yoda, the creature from Star Wars, said it best: “Do or do not. There is no try.yodaOprah also cautioned, “Trying is failing with honor.” Who wants to fail, even if it is with honor? To me, these words leave wiggle room for people to keep their options open. I’ll ask, “Can you come over for a visit this evening?” Their response, “I’ll try.” I say to myself, “Don’t bother; I know you won’t.” Does this sound familiar?

Recently, I was sitting with a client after a Yin Yoga session, chatting as we often do. He mentioned his daughter’s husband. Hmm…I thought and immediately asked, “Why isn’t he your son-in-law?” Having been aware of his disappointment with the man his daughter married, it was apparent (at least to me), he was strengthening that disappointment each time he thought or spoke those words. He is now aware of it, and it will stick to him like Velcro each time he says it from now on.

The word, probably, hit me on the head like a hammer on a nail while my ex-spouse and I were in a marriage counseling session. Having specifically chosen a male therapist so he wouldn’t think women were ganging up on him, I was dumbfounded when he answered a question posed to him. The question was, “Did you withhold love from Debbie as a form of punishment?”red flag His reply was “probably.” Probably?? He DID withhold love from me. It was a simple yes or no question, yet he opened a door that left room for his perceived innocence. He was not able to take responsibility for his actions. “Probably” is a word that waves a red flag in my face today.

No matter where you are today, whether you speak before you think, think before you speak, or somewhere in the middle, it all begins with you. Are you being empowered by your words or allowing your power to escape? It’s up to you to dig down deep,” go within,” and do the work. Not only is it worth your effort to do so, but it is also integral for manifestation and lasting healing of any kind. Your body, mind, and spirit will have unequivocal gratitude for you having done so.

To learn more about the power of words and how to change them, schedule your free 15-minute Assessment now!



Debbie Gill - author and coach

Debbie gill

The heart and soul behind Go Within Spiritual Coaching.