Don’t Take Anything Personally – A Path to True Freedom
Before I got sober, I took everything personally. If someone looked at me the wrong way, I’d cry. I had no self-esteem, and even the slightest negative comment—whether it was meant to help or not—would completely shatter me. I was hypersensitive and constantly felt like the world was against me. My worth was so tied up in what others thought of me that I felt like I was walking through life on a fragile glass floor, waiting for it to crack beneath me.
This way of living was exhausting. I lived with the constant fear of judgment, rejection, and criticism, always searching for validation from others to feel okay about myself. But the truth was, no amount of external approval could fix the deep void within me. I needed something more substantial. Something that wasn’t dependent on the shifting opinions of others.
That’s when The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz came into my life, and one of its core teachings—Don’t Take Anything Personally—started to shift my entire perspective.
Understanding the Power of “Don’t Take Anything Personally”
The second agreement in The Four Agreements is a simple yet profound idea: nothing others do is because of you. Instead, it’s a reflection of their reality. People’s actions and words are shaped by their experiences, beliefs, and emotions. What they project onto you is about them, not you.
It was a revelation for someone like me—who used to live for other people’s approval. Whenever I took someone’s words or actions personally, I gave them control over my emotions and my sense of self-worth. I was letting other people define me. But what Ruiz taught me was that I could take my power back. I didn’t have to let others dictate how I felt about myself.
The Shift: Reclaiming My Power
The idea that what others say and do has nothing to do with me was liberating. I began to see how often I had been giving away my power by allowing the words of others to affect me so profoundly. Whether it was a harsh comment from a stranger, criticism from a loved one, or an offhand remark, I allowed it to dictate my mood, self-esteem, and, ultimately, happiness.
But here’s the truth: when you stop taking things personally, you regain control of your emotions. You stop living in constant reaction mode and start responding from a place of inner strength. You begin to realize that you define yourself, not anyone else. That is true freedom.
What AA Taught Me: What Others Think Is None of My Business
I learned another powerful lesson in AA that helped solidify this understanding: What someone thinks about me is none of my business. It was such a simple phrase, but it resonated deeply with me. I was obsessed with what other people thought of me for so long. I felt like I needed their approval to feel okay about myself, and if I didn’t get it, I was crushed.
But this lesson taught me that I am not responsible for other people’s opinions. Their thoughts are shaped by their experiences, biases, and emotional state. I have no control over them, and more importantly, they have no control over me—unless I let them.
This realization was like a breath of fresh air. It allowed me to let go of the constant worry about how I was being perceived. I stopped living my life for others and started living it for myself.
My Spiritual Awakening: The Masks Came Off
After years of hiding behind the masks I’d worn for so long—masks of trying to be perfect, to please others, and to be someone I wasn’t—I experienced a profound spiritual awakening. When the masks came off, I stopped caring what anyone thought of me. It wasn’t that I didn’t value the opinions of those I loved, but I no longer needed their approval to feel okay.
I finally understood that I didn’t have to be perfect, and I didn’t have to seek validation outside of myself. I knew who I was; more importantly, God knew the truth. And that was all that mattered.
The sense of peace and freedom I felt was indescribable. For the first time, I wasn’t living for anyone else’s approval. I wasn’t trying to be something I wasn’t. I was being myself—unapologetically.
How You Can Apply This to Your Own Life
If you struggle with taking things personally—if you feel like others’ words and opinions weigh you down, keep you small, or dictate your sense of self-worth—I encourage you to reflect on this second agreement from The Four Agreements. Consider the following questions:
- How often do you take things personally?
- How do you allow others’ opinions to dictate your emotions and actions?
- What would it feel like to release yourself from needing external approval?
When you stop taking things personally, you begin to experience a level of freedom and peace that is difficult to describe. You realize you don’t have to carry the weight of others’ judgments or expectations. You can be, knowing that your worth comes from within.
You are not responsible for anyone else’s opinions or feelings. You are only responsible for your inner peace. And that is more than enough.
Learning to stop taking things personally was one of the most critical shifts in my life. It allowed me to break free from the chains of other people’s opinions and find a sense of inner strength and peace that I never thought was possible. I no longer live in constant fear of what others might think. I know who I am, and I know my truth. And that’s all that matters.
Schedule your complimentary Discovery call today if you’re ready to reclaim your power and stop living for others. You might be surprised at how much lighter and freer you feel when you stop taking things personally.
Don’t Take Anything Personally
