by | Apr 19, 2022


If you’re still in the throes of chaos and feeling less than, you are not alone. I’ve been there, as have others before me, and others will continue after me. It’s painful, and it hurts—and you don’t want to feel it anymore. I know.

I also know that you must feel your feelings to heal. You see, I’ve learned something about them. Take anger, for example. You weren’t angry before you heard the words, “I want a divorce.”  Well, maybe not that angry.

So this anger comes from nothingness, and it becomes something. That something is inside of you, and you hold onto it. And your resistance keeps it from moving forward.  But that something doesn’t want to stay inside of you. It intends to complete its life cycle like everything else. But you don’t allow it to.

When you feel the anger fully and then let it go, you allow the anger to return to the nothingness it once was.

The life cycle of your anger is then complete.

This is true of every feeling you have, and although it’s simple, it’s not easy to do. I encourage you to do your best to allow the anger, grief, sadness, and feelings of betrayal and abandonment to complete their life cycles.

There is a way out.

It can be accomplished where you have profound and enduring transformation by employing the 7 Step Path to Reclaim Your Self-Esteem, which I will outline here. The primary goal of this type of coaching is to shift a deeply held personal paradigm marked by a limiting belief to a more expansive and effective one that opens up new opportunities to live a life fully and well.

What is a paradigm?

In the container I have set forth here, a personal paradigm is a set of beliefs, assumptions, theories, or points of view that shape each person’s choices. Your response, or its level, may be rooted in your paradigms, which are difficult to see. They exist in your subconscious, and you rarely examine them.

During the 7 Step Path to Reclaim Your Self-Esteem, together, we will create a paradigm map for you to explore and fill out. [See Figure A.]  I will describe each step in the process for the following seven weeks so you can decide if it’s something you want to learn more about.

Figure A

Warning: There is no quick and easy fix, but I guarantee you’ll have a lasting transformation if you do the work.

The following steps briefly describe the process of what is entailed to create a new, glorious life for yourself.

Step One: Start with a problem or desire to change. What problem do you want to solve or the pattern you want to change? Why do you want to change it?

Step Two: Establish a transformational goal or vision. What is your purpose in solving the problem? What about life do you want to be different?

Step Three: Search and discover the underlying pattern. How did this pattern emerge for you, and how has it served you? How has it limited you?

Step Four: Own the pattern and the process of learning. Do you understand that you created this pattern consciously or unconsciously and that to change it will require you to own it fully? Do you recognize that you have to put yourself in the “driver’s seat” to change this pattern?

Step Five: Question the current paradigm and identify possible new paradigms. Let’s imagine an entirely different way of seeing and being that will fundamentally shift the pattern. What would it look like and feel like?

Step Six: Experiment to find a more expansive paradigm. Now that you see a different personal paradigm let’s learn how to practice and implement it.

Step Seven: Form new habits. Now that your new paradigm seems to be working let’s make it a deeply ingrained habit so that you don’t revert to the old paradigm.

A good transformation will take you to a different way of seeing and being—with possibilities that didn’t exist in your prior way of being. The journey of transformation, where you reclaim your self-esteem and more, takes time and courage.

I look forward to the possibility of creating magic with you one day as you follow along and see how the process unfolds.

To learn more, schedule your complimentary 1-hour coaching call today.

Debbie Gill - author and coach

Debbie gill

The heart and soul behind Go Within Spiritual Coaching.